26 September 2007

"Go Fuck Yourself!" - or, More Than You Ever Wanted To Know About Me

Sorry, there's no contortionist porn involved in this post. Nor is it about Dick Cheney or any other well known idiot. The idiot I'm going to talk about is myself. If you don't care to read about how dumb I am, just click yourself on outta here - I won't be offended.

As I have said, here and other places, I have a total lack of respect for money. I think it is one of the - if not the very - worst things that has ever happened to this planet, and all creatures (great and small, bright and beautiful...) that reside upon it. Religion and "Mine!" are also up there, and it's kind of a tossup as to which is actually the worst, but be that as it may....

In my hatred of money, I have well and truly fucked myself. Because in this society, one must have some, at least. Even if you live off the grid, on a self-sustaining farm (neither condition, unfortunately, describes my situation - as much as I wish they did), you still have to pay taxes, have car insurance, etc.

Car insurance. Verily, that is the problem du jour. To drive a car, one must have insurance. To have insurance, one must pay money. To have money, one must work.

Well, over the past couple of months, I have worked very little. But I, and the cats, must eat. So, what little money I have earned has gone to purchase food for myself (and the kitties). I knew an insurance payment was due... then past due... then no longer due because the policy was cancelled (due to non-payment).

I don't know. I guess I thought I could sneak myself up the road and to work (when there was work to be had) without being caught, until I could afford to get a new policy.

I was wrong. (Yeah, I know, "no shit, Sherlock")

My luck ran out this morning. I wasn't in an accident, or anything like that. But I did happen upon a license check, and helpfully went ahead and pulled over to the side of the road (since I knew I would have to anyway). The highway patrolman was very nice, even letting me drive the two miles back home (with escort - to make sure I was really just driving home).

Now I've got to surrender my license plate for 30 (thirty) days, pay a fine, and - oh, yeah - get some insurance before I can get a new plate. So, somehow, I have to figure out how to get to work (almost 30 miles away), so I can earn money not only to pay said fine, etc, but buy food for the human and feline residents of the Secret Lair (aka '73 Winnebago)... without a car.

The worst part of it all is that this is not the first time I've done this to myself - or the second, or the third. I keep making the same stupid decisions over and over. Hell, with a record like that, I could be President of the United States! Thank FSM my mistakes don't cause thousands (millions?) of people to die, like the mistakes of some people.

I know I can't keep this up forever, working just enough to sustain myself, but I can't seem to make myself give a shit. When I do work, it is in the construction sector, for two reasons. I enjoy the work, and it's not monotonous. I've had "real" jobs in the past - even earned really good money at times - but those "real" jobs were soul-sucking. I can't stand doing the same thing, day after day, just for money.

The irony is that in my home life, I do the same thing, day after day. Wake up, start the coffee maker, turn on the computer (read email and blogs), try - lately without any success - to work on the novel I've been writing for the last four years, eat, play computer games, putter around the Secret Lair (aka '73 Winnebago) and work on the neighbor's yard (since he won't let me pay him for living in his woods - and plugging into his electricity - I do the yard work and whatever else he needs done maintenance-wise around his house). That routine doesn't bother me. It's only when I have to do it (and the earning of money is involved) that it gets me down.

I am a seriously screwed up individual, no? (I also over-use parentheses, but that's a different topic altogether (isn't it?))

The only paying, regular, job I've ever had that didn't make want to run screaming into the night was doing theatre (both onstage and backstage), but since I have no desire to live in (or anywhere near) a big city where paid theatre gigs can be found on a regular basis, that's pretty much out.

Anyway, I'll keep y'all updated, pardon this extended ramble, and... does anybody know a way to make money online?

No comments: