16 May 2009

Troll Rules

Taken in entirety from Alexander Ryking at schizokultura, h/t to Bob Cesca regular commenter "∇•B=0 Silly Ratfaced Git ∇•D=ρ".

How to Be a Right-Wing Troll in Ten Easy Steps

1. Always act superior, even when your opponent clearly outclasses you intellectually (this will happen frequently).

2. Demand that your opponent provide evidence to prove their point, then dismiss the evidence based on its source when they do, no matter how widely-accepted or valid that source happens to be. If you can’t do that, lie and deny that you said what you said, or lie and say your opponent misinterpreted your statement and is now off topic. Failing those tactics: Change the subject.

3. Lie about all scientific and historical facts when they can’t be ignored; facts often get in the way of right-wing ideology. And don’t forget: No lie is too outrageous. Repeat the same lies loudly and often.

4. Project. A lot.

5. Take many, many cheap shots at prominent Democrats and your opponents, then decry the lack of civility in political discourse.

6. Be proud of your hypocrisy; being a hypocrite is essential to being a right-winger — and a troll. However, don’t acknowledge being a hypocrite. Instead, characterize yourself as being “principled” and try to rationalize your hypocrisy. Also, try to ignore that pesky cognitive dissonance!

7. Blame Bill Clinton, Barack Obama, and the Democratic Party for everything. EVERYTHING. The Huronian glaciation? Clinton’s fault. The Lindbergh kidnapping? Obama. The eventual supernova of Earth’s Sun billions of years from now? Nancy Pelosi and Russ Feingold. Nothing, absolutely NOTHING, is the fault of a Republican, even when it is.

8. Continually initiate contact with your opponents and, whenever they respond, falsely accuse them of cyberstalking you.

9. Abandon well-known Republicans (i.e. George W. Bush and Dick Cheney) when they become incredibly unpopular, and claim that they aren’t “real” conservatives while ignoring that they’re so far-right they make white supremacists look like members of the ACLU.

10. Secretly accept that you’re a minority and let yourself be consumed by your deep and abiding hatred of everyone and everything that doesn’t conform to your worldview (currently 99.99% of reality).


Sherry Pasquarello said...

love it!

Unknown said...

I have a bible-thumping troll at the Group Blog lately..and he fits all the points above.

Plus the sumbitch writes a friggin book with each comment he leaves. We are waiting for him to pull another personal attack on moi so we can shitcan his ass. ;p

Anonymous said...

Great. Here I am, supposed to be writing essays and you go and get me interested in Oxygen Catastrophes and Nickel Famines.

You, sir, are a Distraction.