With Apologies to The Cubicle Bound

I don't know if it's part of The Continuing War on Christmas, about which My Siamese Cousin Runt wrote, but it's definitely...

Fowl Play

A picture taken at Gentleman Farmer's, where I was working yesterday. Here's a couple more:



I have such a hard time going to work some days, knowing what I'll have to face. What was I doing, though? Putting the finishing touches on some french doors.

I forgot to take a pic of the finished work. I think maybe the rain had something to do with it....

On an Unrelated Subject...

Pay special attention to the credits.

Thursday Python Randomity

...for Jennifer, who is battling the clock before her trip up to the States.

Pheaux Phyre Phorum: The I Forgot For A Moment That It's Wednesday Edition

I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date! No time to say hello/goodbye, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late!

Wev.

Drinks.

Munchies.

Talk.

Now!

My Favorite Christmas Carol

minstrel boy has a post up about his gripe with certain Christmas songs, which, if you haven't yet, needs to be read. This made me think about my all-time fave song for the holiday season:

Pogo's Deck Us All (With Boston Charlie)
(words by Walt Kelley, to the tune of "Deck the Halls")

Deck us all with Boston Charlie,
Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
Swaller dollar cauliflower alley-garoo!
Don't we know archaic barrel
Lullaby Lilla Boy, Louisville Lou?
Trolley Molly don't love Harold,
Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo!

Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
Polly wolly cracker 'n' too-da-loo!
Donkey Bonny brays a carol,
Antelope cantaloupe, 'lope with you!
Hunky Dory's pop is lolly
Gaggin' on the wagon, willy, folly go through!
Chollie's collie barks at Barrow,
Harum scarum five alarum bung-a-loo!

Dunk us all in bowls of barley,
Hinky dinky dink an' polly voo!
Chilly Filly's name is Chollie,
Chollie Filly's jolly chilly view halloo!
Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
Double-bubble, toyland trouble! Woof, woof, woof!
Tizzy seas on melon collie!
Dibble-dabble, scribble-scrabble! Goof, goof, goof!

This should now replace "Benny Lava" in everyone's head.

You're welcome.

UPDATE: As requested in the comments....


click icon on new page to listen.

WARNING: Remove all dogs, small children and Republicans from the room before clicking on link. The dogs will howl, the children cry and the Republicans... well, you're just better off without them around.

Tagapalooza, Part 3a

IMPORTANT UPDATE AT BOTTOM OF POST!

And yet another strain of the Splotchy virus (see parts 1 and 3). It's all good, though, I really like the whole idea. This tag came from The Cunning Runt:

I woke up hungry. I pulled my bedroom curtain to the side and looked out on a hazy morning. I dragged myself into the kitchen, in search of something to eat. I reached for a jar of applesauce sitting next to the sink, and found it very cold to the touch. I opened the jar and realized it was frozen. (Splotchy)

I was used to the house being quite cold in the mornings, as the night log usually burns out around one AM when I am dreaming cozily under my covers, not normally waking to put a new one on until morning. I was surprised because on the rare occasions that it actually had reached sub-freezing temperatures in the house, I had awakened in the night to restart the fire. I would have been worried about the pipes before P-Day, but there hadn’t been running water in two years and that was one of the few advantages to being dependent on rainwater, no pipes. (Freida Bee)

The nightmares began during the following spring. The apple trees came to life in my dreams. At first the trees spoke and I thought they were amusing. That changed when the messages arrived. Lately, their anger was directed at me. (mathman6293)

I turned and stared out the kitchen window, past the frosty-lidded cistern to the orchard beyond. My trees, my beautiful fruit trees, stood leafless and dark. I wished with all my heart that this was just a normal winter thing, but it wasn’t.

“Why are you blaming me, guys? You know I love you. You watched me go out and vote that last time, in the ice-storm. It’s not like I didn’t try!”

I turned with a sigh and went to the phone to give Zaius a call. Perhaps The Good Doctor had made some incremental progress on his Long-Shot-Theory. (TCR)

Couldn’t reach him or anyone by phone. Line’s dead, as dead as everything else it seemed and so i thumped down right where i stood hugging the ratty blanket i had wrapped about myself a little tighter and let the air in my lungs out in a moist little puff of despair. (sherry)

A while passed before I shook myself out of my retreat. I stood slowly, trying to be strong, think positive, find a way to make frozen lemonade out of these frozen lemons.

Then I remembered that it was Tuesday, the day that The Core had agreed to meet at the big firepit over at Phy’s place. It was one of the last safe havens for those of us who still believed we could reverse the changes.

This was going to be a long day, and perhaps an even longer night. I dressed warmly and headed out into the cold. (TCR)

Malcolm and MacBeth, my two wolfhounds, bounded up as I crossed the yard to the barn and, noticing the provisions I was carrying, ran ahead to nudge open Scout's stall. I kicked the snow off of my boots as I entered the barn. Scout seemed as eager for a journey as the hounds, and waited impatiently as I saddled him and stowed the food and other supplies in the saddlebags.

I threw down some extra hay from the loft for the cows, some extra scratch for the chickens, then pulled myself up on Scout's back and set off down the old road towards the meeting. I stopped briefly at the Anderson place to ask them to keep an eye on my place while I was gone, and told them I'd be back in a day or two. (Phydeaux)

___________________________________

So, this mutation goes to one person (I like that idea, Cousin Runt), and that person is... not Jennifer, because she's way busy getting ready for some holiday....

It is, instead, Mauigirl! Have fun with it!

Tagapalooza, Part 3

This is a different version of the same story from Tagapalooza, Part 1....



I woke up hungry. I pulled my bedroom curtain to the side and looked out on a hazy morning. I dragged myself into the kitchen, in search of something to eat. I reached for a jar of applesauce sitting next to the sink, and found it very cold to the touch. I opened the jar and realized it was frozen. (Splotchy)

I was used to the house being quite cold in the mornings, as the night log usually burns out around one AM when I am dreaming cozily under my covers, not normally waking to put a new one on until morning. I was surprised because on the rare occasions that it actually had reached sub-freezing temperatures in the house, I had awakened in the night to restart the fire. I would have been worried about the pipes before P-Day, but there hadn’t been running water in two years and that was one of the few advantages to being dependent on rainwater, no pipes. (Freida Bee)

The nightmares began during the following spring. The apple trees came to life in my dreams. At first the trees spoke and I thought they were amusing. That changed when the messages arrived. Lately, their anger was directed at me. (mathman6293)

I turned and stared out the kitchen window, past the frosty-lidded cistern to the orchard beyond. My trees, my beautiful fruit trees, stood leafless and dark. I wished with all my heart that this was just a normal winter thing, but it wasn’t.

“Why are you blaming me, guys? You know I love you. You watched me go out and vote that last time, in the ice-storm. It’s not like I didn’t try!”

I turned with a sigh and went to the phone to give Zaius a call. Perhaps The Good Doctor had made some incremental progress on his Long-Shot-Theory. (TCR)

Unfortunately, the phone was dead. Not from the inclement frigid weather, but because I didn't pay the phone bill and my service was shut off. "Oh well, I'll use the cell phone," I said aloud to no one but myself. As fate would have it, the cell phone battery was completely drained. I never even heard the thing chirping during the night to remind me to charge it. Being somewhat annoyed by all this, I went back to the kitchen, grabbed an ice pick and began chipping away at the rock-solid apple sauce when suddenly there was a very loud knock on my door which startled me. (kona)

Laughing at my own nervousness, I walked to the front door. "Yes? Who is it?" I said as I opened the door.

In retrospect, I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised that the visitor fainted at the sight of me, holding an ice pick that appeared to be dripping blood... even though it was just thawing bits of red applesauce. (Phydeaux)

__________________________________________________
This time around I'm tagging two people... Burning Prairie and DCup (who has yet to contribute to this version). Ladies?

Tagapalooza, Part 2

This edition of "I been tagged" is all about the Edumacation Meme, which comes to me from Mauigirl:

Here's how it works. You must write about 5 classes you would like to take if you could make up your own curriculum. AND- and this is important, ONE of them must come from your tagger's list.

I do not know who originated this meme, but I do like it.

1) (From Mauigirl's list) How to Watch George W. Bush Make a Speech Without Screaming at the Television.

This would seem to me to be the most pertinent of offerings, as I can no longer stand even the sound of the Current Occupant's voice. Luckily for me, I never watch TV news. However, I do come across clips of the Idiot-In-Chief on the Interwebs, so I need to take this course. The cost of the course is bound to be less than the cost of a new monitor....

2) After completing the above course, I would move on to the 200 level, How to Listen to Snippets of Dubya on the NPR Hourly Updates Without Succumbing to Roadrage. How many times has it happened to you? Driving along, listening to the soothing sounds of Carl Cassel, when WHAM! - that voice? Suddenly, you have an almost unstoppable urge to ram the "W" bestickered SUV in front of you. A combination of Ayurveda and karate techniques will help the student overcome (or at least repress) the feelings of rage. Companion lab class available with special emphasis on Morning Edition and All Things Considered.

3) Creative Hermitry, or How to Be a Part of Civilization Without Being Part of Civilization. Students in this course will explore the many ways of appearing to participate in the greater world without sullying their hands (or psyche's) . Prerequisite course: Cave Decor for Beginners.

4) Surviving Global Climate Change. Texts for this course include The Anarchist Cookbook and the entire Foxfire series. Will soon be part of the required curriculum at all schools.

5) Subsistence Blogging. This course will show the student how to survive on the income (both currency and barter) derived from blogging. Lessons learned will also be applicable to the post Apocalyptic world, with special emphasis on verbal skills.


Them's my five....

In an outburst of alliteration, I peg Portly Dyke, pidomon, and Petulant as participants.

Tagapalooza, Part 1

'Tis the season for giving, and a plethora of folk have given me a tap on the shoulder to participate in various and sundry memes. I shall do my best to respond....

First up, the I, Splotchy: This Story Is A Virus fiction meme. He says:

Here's what I would like to do. I want to create a story that branches out in a variety of different, unexpected ways. I don't know how realistic it is, but that's what I'm aiming for. Hopefully, at least one thread of the story can make a decent number of hops before it dies out.

MathMan has tagged me to add to the story, which reads....


I woke up hungry. I pulled my bedroom curtain to the side and looked out on a hazy morning. I dragged myself into the kitchen, in search of something to eat. I reached for a jar of applesauce sitting next to the sink, and found it very cold to the touch. I opened the jar and realized it was frozen. (Splotchy)

"That's strange," I said out loud to no one in particular. My fingers slowly reached towards the jar again. My body experienced a wave of apprehension as weighted blanket covering me as I did so. The jar was completely frozen.

I picked it up and stared at it, my fingers stung with little knives of chill. "What the..." again I spoke aloud. Then I realized what had happened with a shock. Suddenly the jar flew from my hand. It shattered creating a collage-like mixture of frozen applesauce and glass shards on my kitchen floor, the lid lazily rolling to a stop across the room. (FranIam)

I stood for a moment considering what all this meant. Oh, I knew what it meant, I didn’t need to waste time thinking about it. He was back. And he was mad.

I ran down the hallway and flung open the door at the end. I was immediately hit with a blast of cold. I took a step back as I tried to catch my breath. I bent over, hands on my knees panting. He always had this remarkable effect on me. After so much time, it no longer scared me, but it was a shock nonetheless……

“You know,” I panted, “There’s no need to break things to get my attention.” (DCup)

I woke up in the same position as in my dream, on my knees. I was sweating even though room was freezing. (mathman6293)

I was used to the house being quite cold in the mornings, as the night log usually burns out around one AM when I am dreaming cozily under my covers, not normally waking to put a new one on until morning. I was surprised because on the rare occasions that it actually had reached sub-freezing temperatures in the house, I had awakened in the night to restart the fire. I would have been worried about the pipes before P-Day, but there hadn’t been running water in two years and that was one of the few advantages to being dependent on rainwater, no pipes. (Freida Bee)

The nightmares began during the following spring. The apple trees came to life in my dreams. At first the trees spoke and I thought they were amusing. That changed when the messages arrived. Lately, their anger was directed at me. (mathman6293)

The sound of the front porch floorboards creaking snapped me out of my reverie. I stood up, grabbed my shotgun and made sure a round was chambered, then quietly made my way into the front room and over to the window. As I peeked out past the closed curtains, my heart began to beat rapidly.

It can't be, the incredulous thought came, I saw him die last year! (Phydeaux)


And now, the fun part. I tag Brave Sir Robin and BitterGrace. Have at it, my friends!

Merry Christmas From the Family

The great Robert Earl Keen

Caturday!

The above pictures were taken several hours apart.

Yes, Puff is a ball of energy sometimes.....


NO pics of Callie this time, as I am mad at her. The past two nights she has decided, beginning around 3:30 and continuing until I finally surrender to the inevitable and get up, that it is play time, and that her world would not be complete unless I was included.

Attacks on my feet, hands, nose, and ears over and over and over and over and over and over. As soon as I would fall back asleep, POUNCE!

So, today, I'm poking her whenever I notice she's asleep.

I SHOULD HAVE LOOKED AROUND BEFORE I POSTED UPDATE:
from a commenter over at konagod's Friday Pussy Blog: The Slut Sprawl Edition comes this perfectly appropriate video. All of that, except for the baseball bat.....

Cherokee Morning Song

Cunning Runt's post, Venus and the Moon made me think of this, what with it's[sic - thanks, Jen] whole early morning theme....



I send this out to all of you, but especially to Burning Prairie....

(and, yes, I do know the images have nothing in common with the Cherokee, other than they are, indeed, Native American images. It's the music that's important here, not the pictures.)

Oldies But Goodies

Two songs from The Sons of the Pioneers (Roy Rogers got his start with them, IIRC):

Some of you may remember this from the Disney movie (or LP) Melody Time , part of which was the story of Pecos Bill.

"Cool Water"



"Tumbling Tumbleweeds"


Such wonderful harmonies.

Brahms' Third Racket

Today's lesson in Pythonalia:







The first episode of Fawlty Towers.

I Always Knew I Had An Electric Personality, But...

372 WATTS Body Battery Calculator - Find Out How Much Electricity Your Body is Producing - online dating

Your Body is Producing 372 Watts!

This is 49% MORE wattage than the average person

• You could light up 4 light bulbs
• You could power 93 iPods
• You could power 2 Xbox 360s
• 3 of you would be needed to keep a refrigerator running

Uncle Fester? He's got nothing on me!

Pheaux Phyre: Special Hanukkah and Sing Along Version

We pause in our continuing War On Christmas to celebrate Hanukkah with our Jewish phriends. We're also going to have a Sing Along, thanks to the above LP I found in a dilapidated barn last week. Also, it's Repeal Prohibition Day!

As always, the beer and mixers are chilling in the creek, and the munchies are on the picnic table.

This week's special is...





Open thread for whatever's on your mind!

Homeland Security For Sale

In fairness, no one could have predicted that the money-grubbing, sanctimonious, hypocritical, I-got-mine-fuck-you, mantled-in-greed, Bush Maladministration would resort to cronyism!

(from Brave New Foundation)

The Magic 8 Ball Told My Monkeys To Call Ted Stevens

The latest poll results are in, and there were certainly some surprises:

Which method do you use to navigate the InterTubes?

My Bookmarks 4 (16%)
My Blogroll 8 (33%)
Horde of monkeys 7 (29%)
Magic 8 Ball 0 (0%)
Sen. Ted Stevens 1 (4%)
Ceiling Cat 4 (16%)

First off, I had no idea that there were so many people out there who had hordes of monkeys at their beck and call. I mean, sure, I suspected Drs. Monkey and Zaius - and, of course pidomon - but not the rest. I'm somewhat jealous, even though there's no room in the Secret Lair (aka '73 Winnebago) for monkeys... and the kittehs probably wouldn't share nicely anyway.

Speaking of kittehs, I'm glad that Ceiling Cat likes my blog enough to recommend it to those who hear his Voice. (Would that be the Kittehtron?... hmm, a lolcat version of Dogma. Note to self: contact Kevin Smith)

To the one person who heeds the advice of Senator Ted Stevens - are you a Republican or an oil industry insider? Just kidding, I know that no Republicans would read this blog.

The Blogroll/Bookmark percentages were about what I expected. (And thanks to all of you who have me blogrolled. You must regret that decision on a daily basis.)

Finally, the biggest surprise of the whole poll. Not one of you use the Magic 8 Ball to guide your InterWebs travels. I don't know what to say about that, except... "Ask again later.

This is why one should always consult the Magic 8 Ball:

It never lies!

Thanks for participating, and come again!

Sliabh Geal Gcua na Féile

No, you don't need new glasses or another cuppa. Well maybe you do need the cuppa. Read to the end of the post for the translation....

I made the mistake* of reading this post over at DCup's place, so now I "have" to do this meme.

The rules:

1. Put your music player on Shuffle

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT(this is in capital letters, so it is very serious.)

Like DCup, I do not have an iPod or any other MP3 player. And the only thing I use iTunes for is listening to internet radio (and streaming programming from NPR stations), so I am reduced to either throwing darts at my CD collection and then randomly choosing songs from the pierced disk - or using Pandora.

Rather than risking a hit on one of The Faithful Sidekicks or destroying my CD's, I think I'll go with Pandora....



MY ANSWERS:
1. IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY? Away in a Manger performed by Celtic Women (It's kind of like adding "in bed" to the end of the fortune cookie fortunes... but different)

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? China Doll by The Grateful Dead (I'm fragile, like a delicate flower. Hmm, I wonder which one?)

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? One Step Ahead by Rhonda Vincent (w/ Alison Krause) (I'm looking for a girl [woman, actually] who is on the leading edge, not a follower of fashion/trends/wev)

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Like A Rose On The Grave Of Love by Xandria (does this mean I'm hopeful in the face of adversity?)

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE? Lo, How A Rose E'er Blooming by Various Artists (again with the roses.. at least we know which flower I'm like)

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? Pain Of A Troubled Life by Alison Krause & Union Station (okay, the accuracy of this random thingy is getting scary)

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Cymbeline by Loreena McKennitt (I am like unto an obscure Shakespeare play... fantastic, but largely unknown)

8. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS? Second That Emotion performed by Jerry Garcia Band (sure... whatever that means!)

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? Tired Eyes by Neil Young (I think this tells me that I need new glasses)

10. WHAT IS 2+2? Answer by Sarah McLachlan (wait, what was the question again?)

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? Symphony No. 52 In C Minor, H. 1/52: II. Andante by Franz Josef Haydn (I think that speaks for itself)

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? The Mystic's Dream by Loreena McKennitt (Hmm)

13. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? Malt Liquor by Hope For Agoldensummer (damn, my secret love of Colt .45 has been outed)

14. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? The Foggy Dew by The Clancy Brothers & Tommy Makem (I long to be moist, apparently)

15. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Symphony No. 16 In C Major, K. 128: II. Andante Grazioso by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (this person I [supposedly] like is Classically Mystical... who knew?)

16. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Midnite Cruiser by Steely Dan (I had no idea....)

17. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? Don’t Fear Me Now by Celtic Cross (I should hope my newly minted wife wouldn’t fear me....)

18. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? Buried Alive by Linda M (okay, now I‘m really creeped out!)

19. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? Shenandoah (sung) by Connie Dover (oddly appropriate, considering my love of [disappearing] Nature)

20. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Evidence by Tara MacLean (on the advice of my lawyer, I can say no more)

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? Why Won’t You Touch Me by Capercaillie (I won’t bite, I promise [unless that’s what you want])


22. WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS? Sliabh Geal Gcua na Féile by Solas (for the Gaelic challenged out there [okay, I had to look it up], that translates as “Bright Beautiful Mount Cua”)


So, that’s it. Since DCup tagged everybody* who read her post, any who read this are probably already tagged. But if not, and you want to have some fun, have at it.


*just kidding, DCup. Ya know I loves ya!

Stage Tales - Act I, Scene 1

NOTE: The relaying of this post was inspired by DCup's post about her Eldest's recent experience on stage.


As some of you may know, I have spent a good bit of time onstage. I have played everything from a bit part to the lead. Perhaps the most challenging role I ever had was that of Valmont in the play Les Liaisons Dangereuses (Dangerous Liaisons).

No, make that definitely the most challenging role. Onstage for almost the entire show, having almost half of the lines, saying similar - but not quite the same - lines to three different characters... all this combined to make it a difficult role. Below are a couple of representative pages of my hi-lited script:



The production was a late semester add on at one of the many colleges I have attended (but somehow never earned a degree), made possible because the budget had a large outstanding balance and the Prof in charge of the department didn't want it cut for the next season. Since it was not a pre-approved production - and, in fact, would not have been approved by the Bible Belt board of trustees at the school, because of the mature nature of some of the scenes - we students had to do the whole thing without any faculty input. We would also have to take the heat if there was any community protest.

I was originally slated to play the bit part of Azolan, Valmont's valet, and Tracy, the guy who was directing, was going to play Valmont. In fact, the choice of play was his, and he had always wanted to play Valmont. But somewhere between auditions and the posting of the cast list, he decided that it would be too much to take on to both direct and perform one of the main roles.

I was very surprised when I saw someone else's name next to the role of Azolan, and mine by Valmont. This was my first lead, and I was quite nervous. All those words....

Anyway, we rehearsed and rehearsed and finally it was opening night. Right up until the house opened, the actor playing Merteuil and I were on the stage, running lines, hoping we didn't screw up royally. (Interesting [maybe] aside, she and I were living together at the time) Moments before the lights came up on the first scene, a huge thunderstorm hit outside, thunder and lightning and very heavy rain, so throughout the whole first scene we had to basically scream our lines so that the 3/4 round audience could hear us over Nature's performance. And, halfway through the scene, water started pouring onto the stage from a leak way up in the dim recesses of the roof of the auditorium, puddling on the portable parquet floor we had borrowed from a local hotel.

We made it through the scene, though, and the whole performance, without any major problems. In fact, things went fairly well until the penultimate performance.

As any of you who have been involved in theatre know, there is often as much (or more) drama backstage as onstage in any production. All of the backstage came to a head in that next-to-last performance, and one of the actors purposely missed an entrance cue (imagine Noises Off!, without the comedy). Things went downhill from there.

A few scenes later, "Merteuil" and I skipped from the middle of Act 2, Scene 1 to Act 2, Scene 5 without realizing it. When we did realize it, we stumbled around, both of us trying to figure out a way to get back on track and hoping the lights would go to black, until finally she asked, in character, "What do we do now?" and I replied "I have no idea." and stormed out... of "my" house, and walked straight to the director, who was standing off stage, holding his head.

"Just keep going," he said. "Which scene?" I asked. "Scene 2."

So we kept going, finished the performance, and no one in the audience - including the two Drama faculty in attendance - ever seemed to notice.

The final show went flawlessly.