Non Sequitur Silly

Heh. In my random search for something about which to post tonight, I think I just created a meme:

1. Grab the nearest book - no matter what it is. Textbook, novel, pop-up book, building code study guide, whatever.
   
2. Turn to page 25.
3. Read the 10th word on that page, or the following if that one is blank.
4. Type that word into Google Image search.
5. Post the third image.
6. Tag 4 people and tell them.
7. Link back to this post.

And here's my result:




(My word, by the way, was "tune")

Let's see if we can make this spread like a plague wildfire.

I tag pidomon, Lisa, Mauigirl, and FranIAm.

Sido Etiquetado Para un Meme

This is what I get for reading blogs. Both Lisa and Gine got me on this one.

Grab the nearest book and turn to page 46. Copy the fifth sentence (and some following) on that page. For some reason, the book nearest to me right now is Spanish for Dummies, so here's mine:

In our example, she marries señor Juan José García Díaz. She is still called Fernández, but after father's name she adds de and her husband's surname, which is García. Now, she is señora María del Carmen Fernández de García.

Note that Spanish speakers capitalize señor and señora when abbreviated the way people in the States capitalize Mr. and Mrs.

And there you have it.

Saturday Post

Seen all over Teh InterWebs Tubes, so here's my version:

1. Five names you go by:
a) Bob
b) Phydeaux
c) Robert
d) Robb
e) Babe

Three things you are wearing right now:

a) Duke Basketball tee shirt
b) gym shorts
c) socks

3. Two things you want very badly at the moment:

a) yes
b) and how


4. Three people who will probably fill this out:

That's a good question, and I can't answer it.

5. Two things you did last night:

a) Watched an episode of Rosemary & Thyme with my sister.
b) Played Spades online.

6. Two things you ate today:

a) Granola
b) Organic Colby Cheese

7. Two people you last talked to on the phone:

a) My Dad
b) Jen

8. Two things you are going to do tomorrow:

a) Go to the Family Thanksgiving gathering
b) Blog and/or play Spades online

9. Two longest car rides:

I'm not sure of the answer... I mean, longest in what time frame? Last day? Last year? In the history of time?

10. Two of your favorite beverages:

a) Stout
b) Coffee

Curses! Foiled Tagged Again!

pidomon has bestowed upon me the



All I can figure is that the rest of Teh InterWebs Tubes (oh, have you heard that Ted Stevens is now behind in the vote count in Alaska?) has already been awarded the above, so now it's down to me and the spam porn sites.

Seriously, thanks, Brotha pido, for thinking of me. :)

Oh, there's rules:

• Each Superior Scribbler must in turn pass The Award on to 5 most-deserving Bloggy Friends.
• Each Superior Scribbler must link to the author & the name of the blog from whom he/she has received The Award.
• Each Superior Scribbler must display The Award on his/her blog, and link to This Post, which explains The Award.
• Each Blogger who wins The Superior Scribbler Award must visit this post and add his/her name to the Mr. Linky List. That way, we'll be able to keep up-to-date on everyone who receives This Prestigious Honor!
• Each Superior Scribbler must post these rules on his/her blog.

As I said afore, it seems as though the entire Web has already seen this one, so I'm not gonna single out anyone (or five). But if you're on my blogroll(s), I view you as a Superior Scribbler. So give yourselves a round of applause!!

Ememe

Meaning, I received this one via email....

2008 QUESTIONNAIRE Welcome to the 2008 edition of getting to know your friends. Change all the answers so they apply to you, and then send this to your friends including the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends that you might not have known! 1. What time did you get up this morning? 7:00am 2. Diamonds or pearls? As I'll never be able to afford either, meh. 3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? Heh. Star Trek: Generations, I believe. Yep, haven't been to a cinema in around ten years. 4. What is your favorite TV show? Current? LOST All time? M*A*S*H 5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Coffee 6. What is your middle name? Robert 7. What food do you dislike? Asparagus 8. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Bela Fleck and the Flecktones: Live at the Quick 9. What kind of car do you drive? 1993 Dodge Spirit (with only 85k miles) 10. Favorite sandwich? Reuben (and let me tell you, it's hard to find a really good reuben around here) 11. What characteristic do you despise? Hypocrisy 12. Favorite item of clothing? My little black dress ... errr, wait. I don't have one of those! So... my Lleu t-shirt that I got for my birthday 12 years ago. 13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? /smiles/ 14. Are you an organized person? The answer to that is somewhere under the pile of papers next to me.... 15. Where would you retire to? The drawing room. 16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? I remember last year's, does that count? 17. What are you going to do when you finish this? Post it. 18. Furthest place you are sending this? Out to the entire InterWebs Tubes, so everywhere!!1! 19. Person you expect to send it back first? The first person to read it 20. When is your birthday? 11 July (see my wishlist in the sidebar if you care to celebrate it with me ;) ) 22. What is your shoe size? 11½ EEE 23. Pets? As often as I can. Oh, you mean do I have any? Yup. Muh kittehs, Puff and Callie. 24. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share? No. 25. What did you want to be when you were little? An astronaut. But then I got bigger and bigger ... and bigger. I quickly outgrew the height limitation. 26. How are you today? Sad that George Carlin died, but otherwise okay. 27. What is your favorite flower? Whatever fragrant blossoms are now in season. 29. What are you listening to right now? Classical music on the radio. 30. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? Dunno. 29. What was the last thing you ate? Popcorn. 31. Do you wish on stars? Sometimes, but more often on the moon (my ruling planet). 32. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? Purple 33. How is the weather right now? Be-yoo-ti-ful! 34. Last person you spoke to on the phone? If Skype counts, my Dad. Otherwise, my friend Crystal. 35. Favorite soft drink? Don't drink soft drinks,unless they have liquor in them. ;) 36. Favorite restaurant? Jack of the Wood, in Asheville (they have really good reubens... not to mention Green Man beers, brewed on-site). 37. Hair color? Dark brown 38. What was your favorite toy as a child? My Red Rider BB gun (no, I didn't put my eye out). 39. Summer or W Chrissiinter? WTP does that mean? 41. Chocolate or Vanilla? Duh. Chocolate. 42. Coffee or tea? Coffee 43. Do you want your friends to email you back? Well, as I'm posting this on my blog, I don't see as how that's necessary, but if any of them want to, sure. 44. When was the last time you cried? One day last week. 45. What is under your bed? The steering wheel of the Secret Lair (aka '73 Winnebago) - I built a bed shelf over the 'cockpit' several years ago. 46. What did you do last night? Chatted with a dear friend, and the second string as well. 47. What are you afraid of? Another Republican administration. Ever. 48. Salty or sweet? I am both. 49. How many keys on your key ring? One. 50. How many years at your current job? I've been working for Gentleman Farmer since 2001, on and off. 51. Favorite day of the week? A day is a day is a day. 52. Do you make friends easily? Kinda. It depends on the person. 53. How many people will you send this to? Approximately 6.5 billion 54. How many will respond? A helluva lot less than 6.5 billion! 55. Do you like finding out all this stuff about your friends? Yes, it's nice to get to know friends better.

NOTE: The questions are numbered just as I received them. I have no idea what happened to the missing questions. If you see them, let me know.


If you read this, you must answer or you will break the chain, and your inbox will be flooded with "Viarga[sic]" and "Baby Maker" spams. Or not.

I Didn't Duck In Time

... so pidomon tagged me for this one.

Two by Two

Two Names You Go By
1. Phy/Phyd/Phydeaux
2. Bob

Two things you are wearing right now
1. Gym shorts
2. "Support Your Local Brewer" tee shirt

Two of your favorite things
1.Raindrops on roses
2.Whiskers on kittens

Two things you want very badly at the moment
1. For Gentleman Farmer to return from vacation next week and decide it's time to start one of the three big projects he's had "just waiting to start" for the last few months (which would mean steady - and good - income for a while)
2. A batch of brownies and some dark chocolate ice cream to go on top :)

Two favorite pets you have or had
1. Serena, who was my kitty for 18 years.
2. Ginger, who was a ginger chow, and the bestest, sweetest doggie ever.

Two people you hope will fill this out
1. Jen
2. Christina

Two things you did last night
1. Hung out at the VPub for a bit
2. Watched Much Ado About Nothing and A Midsummer Night's Dream

Two things you ate last night
1. Macaroni
2. Cheese

Two people you last talked to
1. Downstairs Neighbor's squatter
2. Downstairs Neighbor's boy toy

Two things you are doing tomorrow
1. Meditating
2. Who knows, it's not tomorrow yet

Two of farthest trips taken in the last 5 years
1. Rigel VII (but I'm not supposed to talk about that)
2. Ormond Beach, FL

Two favorite holidays
1. I don't do holidays
2. I still don't do holidays

Two favorite beverages
1. Stout
2. Iced tea (sweet)

The Splotchy Virus Strikes Again

Brotha pidomon has tagged me!!

Here's the deal:

Here's what I would like to do. I want to create a story that branches out in a variety of different, unexpected ways. I don't know how realistic it is, but that's what I'm aiming for. Hopefully, at least one thread of the story can make a decent number of hops before it dies out.

If you are one of the carriers of this story virus (i.e. you have been tagged and choose to contribute to it), you will have one responsibility, in addition to contributing your own piece of the story: you will have to tag at least one person that continues your story thread. So, say you tag five people. If four people decide to not participate, it's okay, as long as the fifth one does. And if all five participate, well that's five interesting threads the story spins off into.

Not a requirement, but something your readers would appreciate: to help people trace your own particular thread of the narrative, it will be helpful if you include links to the chapters preceding yours. -Splotchy




I had been shuffling around the house for a few hours and already felt tired. The doorbell rang. I opened the front door and saw a figure striding away from the house, quickly and purposefully. I looked down and saw a bulky envelope. I picked it up. The handwriting was smudged and cramped, and I could only make out a few words. (Splotchy)

Despite the throbbing pain in my knees and the dull ache in my lower back, I bent down slowly and picked up the envelope...

Oh no. It did not say this, did it?

Oh yes, it did. It did.

The handwriting was familiar in a way that inspired a cold sweat and a bout of nausea. It was the penmanship of my former husband. You know - the one that was presumed dead.

He disappeared in a suspicious blogging related accident a number of years ago and was never heard from again. I was devastated. I had hated the blog, loathed the thing. What began as a hobby that took but a few minutes a day had morphed into an addiction, the proportions of which could not be measured. It was pure evil.

The blog turned into a cruel and demanding mistress and her siren song was more than I could compete with. One day he left for an evening event, never to return again.

All fingers pointed to one blogger, but I could never get the charges to stick. That one is slick- slick, slick, slick. He can talk a good game and write like nobody's business. But there is something about him, it just is not right.

So my husband was gone, that other one kept blogging and I had to rebuild my life, which I did.

So I finally had the bastard declared dead.(FranIam)

I took the envelope inside and got out a magnifying glass. I studied the scribblings on the front and made out the words “This is for you. You KNOW why” just above the undead bastard’s name. What the hell?

What could it be? What did he mean, I “KNOW” why? What did I do? I had never been anything but faithful to him and his "interests." I followed his stupid blog as it meandered through the vapid expanses of his small mind, trying my best to be polite when he talked about some comment he’d gotten on a particular post, or a funny link he’d dropped into a post.

Just thinking about it made my stomach hurt.

Despite a fleeting fear that there might be anthrax powder in the envelope, I opened it and pulled out the contents. (dguzman)

A noodle, a meatball and one of the six legs of a squid? (Squid have six legs, not eight, right? Unsure I rushed to my computer to ask The Lord Google. OMG, I was wrong! Squid do have eight legs. And two tentacles. Like cuttlefish. I digress. Damn you Google!)

What was he working on when he had that blogging accident? I thought back to the nights of feverish typing. The nights the keyboard fairly reeked of despair, flopsweat and ricola. He would babble "vision quest" "noodly appendage" "the alpha and the semolina" "green sticky spawn of the stars". This last I just attributed to far too much interest in the pussy photos of Britney Spears.

In shaky handwriting was the couplet:

That is not dead which can eternal lie.
And with strange æons even death may die

I felt that I was beginning to understand. He had been killed in an epic battle of Good versus Not-So-Good or even "meh!" (Jess Wundrun)


Shakily, I set the envelope down and wiped my hands on my jeans. I got up immediately and headed for the fridge, from which I pulled a recently-opened carton of the cheapest wine I was able to find last time I went shopping, raised it over my head, tilted my head back, twisted the cap, and greedily gulped down about two liters of forgetfulness.

It didn’t work. Or maybe it did, because when I woke up that evening in a puddle of cheap wine and bitterness, I couldn’t remember how I got there or how I had gotten so desperate in life to be drinking wine from a cardboard box.

Oh yeah, him.

It was dark outside, so nobody noticed when I stumbled into the back yard and peed against a tree.

What? Holy shit! I must have been drinking cheap wine for more than just tonight! I’d completely forgotten I was actually male!

I raced back into the house and found a utility bill amongst the pile of unopened mail on the kitchen counter. Then, I extricated my wallet from a jacket pocket, pulled out my driver’s license and compared the two address. They didn’t match. They weren’t even from the same state! What the…. Who the….

And then it dawned on me. I’d spent so much time recently reading other people’s blogs, I had somehow managed to take on the identity of a female blogger. Cripes. What have I done!?!?!

I looked again at the address on the utility bill. The name read “Michelle Malkin”. And then I looked on the back of the envelope that had been left on the front porch. Rubber-stamped were the words, “From the office of the Democratic National Convention”. Time seemed to suspend itself while I headed back to the fridge, looking for another box of cheap wine. (Commander Other)

Because all I could find in the fridge at this point was a moldy orange and a styrofoam container of questionable leftovers, I decided it might be a good time for me to get the hell out of there. This "Michelle Malkin" might be behind my current identity crisis. I was vaguely starting to realize that I must have been hypnotized. But, why? What in the world would Michelle Malkin want from me? Some visceral image of a diaper and an airport bathroom was starting to come into focus, the discomfort of which made me happy to distract myself with the prospect of... escape?

I had keys in my pocket to a car in the garage that I didn't recognize and I got in the car and drove instinctually toward what appeared to be a down town area. I decided I had to get myself to a hotel room and a location with internet access to find out who this Michelle Malkin was and how the hell I ended up in Dallas, of all places. (Freida Bee)

Instead of a hotel I cut through the fence at Six Flags and slept for the night in the log plume ride. Wet but comfortable. I-30 was a mere moment away and I could change direction and go to Ft. Worth instead and eat BBQ'd cow until the cows came home.

Once in Ft Worth I met up with a Kay Baily Hutchinson outside the the Colonial Golf Course. Boxes of wine were everywhere

She on one side of the fence and me on the other all she would say is "All will be revealed" and then shanked a 3 iron into the rough.

Confused I got back into the car and drove. My destination unknown. (pidomon)

I drove for several hours, taking random turns, hoping that I could shake the Republican tail that KBH sent after me. I knew that if they caught me, I would be in a gulag faster than I could say, "Help, help! I'm being repressed!!" Finally, the fleet of Hummers all fell by the wayside, out of gas. I smiled, and thanked whomever it was that had bought the Prius I was driving.

Then I aimed myself southward, and headed towards Austin, since I knew that the blogger konagod lived there. I hoped he and txrad would hide me for a couple of days while I tried to figure out what the hell was going on.

Once I reached Austin, I pulled into the parking lot of a Panera Bread restaurant, and used their wifi to log on to the InterWebs and buzz kona. "Get your fucking ass over here," he said, and sent me directions to the kona ranch. I pulled in to their driveway just as the last rays of sunlight faded into dark.


I tag kona, Portly Dyke, and Space Cowboy.

Big Bad Blog-meme

Via konagod.

The rules are that all the answers have to start with the same letter as does your first name.

1. What is your name? Bob
2. A four-letter word: back
3. A vehicle: buggy
4. A city:Bangor, ME
5. A boy's name: Bart
6. A girl's name: Beatrice
7. Alcoholic drink: beer
8. An occupation: bricklayer
9. Something you wear: bonnet (well, I don't wear one, but they are worn)
10. A celebrity: Barry Bostwick
11. A food: beans
12. Something found in a bathroom: bidet
13. Reason for being late: besieged (by work)
14. Something you shout: Bastige!
15. An animal: Baboon
16. A body part: butt

Like it? Have at it!

Post #463

I had no idea about what I would post today - I'm tired of politics, and the kittehs have been boring lately. Luckily, I've been saved by Linda! This is one that went around before, but I have a different book lying next to me now, so....

Teh Rulz:
1. Pick up the nearest book of 123 pages or more. No cheating!
2. Find page 123.
3. Find the first five sentences.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people.


The book: The Venetian's Wife, by Nick Bantock.

The sentences:

Forgive my paternalism, but I do wish to give you a modicum of fatherly advice. The things you've learnt about yourself from the sculptures cannot be translated into words. They are physical memories that manifest themselves in your growing feelings for Marco.

That's not a bad teaser for the book, btw. It's one of the several I've received in the last couple weeks from people who are special to me, and I very much enjoyed it ... both the story and the illustrations.

Also, I can't live by your rules, man. I'm not tagging anybody this time.

My Ass Has Been Tagged!

My Siamese Cousin, The Cunning Runt, has tagged me for the following meme...

Here’s The Deal: Link to the person who tagged you (done. ) Post the rules on your blog (done. ) Write six random things about yourself. Tag six random people by linking to their blogs. Let each of the six know they’ve been tagged by leaving them a comment (on their blogs). Let your tagger know when your entry is up.

And off we go....

1) I have sported a beard almost my entire life. Well, since puberty hit, anyway. The only times I haven't had a beard were the times when I worked in the food service industry.

2) My first vehicle was a 1972 Volkswagen Microbus Kampmobile. It was fully decked out, except for the pop-top sleeping loft. I loved the Bus, and drove the hell out of it. The best thing about it was the fact that I kept it stocked with "emergency" camping supplies, which meant I could, at any time, take off and go camping.

3) I love camping. See #2 above, and note that I live in a Winnebago RV now (and for the last 7 1/2 years.

4) In high school, I played every single brass instrument in band. (not all at once, you understand) In marching band, I played the baritone (freshmen year) and flügelhorn (soph, jr, sr years). In concert band I primarily played the euphonuim (baby tuba), but in my senior year I was part of a brass quintet, and played tuba, trombone and euphonium. And in the Spring Concert, I played french horn on one of the selections.

5) For two years I was part owner of, and ran, a head shop in Asheville, NC. I advertised in the local free weekly (Mountain Xpress). I normally would do a Top Ten reasons to shop at my store, and one week I added, at the bottom of the ad, "Ask about our naked shopper discount!" I never expected people would take me up on it. Silly me. Some people are quite exhibitionistic. And, yes, several people, both male and female, took advantage of the discount.

6) I am a big fan of hippie chicks. See #5 above.

CR tagged the people I would have tagged, so I'll just let anyone who reads this and wants to have at it.

20 Photos Meme

Through pidomon, who got it from Becca:

1. Go to photobucket.com
2. Type in your answer for each question into the PhotoBucket search bar.
3. Choose your favorite photo to represent your answer.
4. Copy the html and paste it here.
5. Answer only in picture form.




1. What is your first name?


2. When is your birthday?


3. What kind of car do you want?


4. Where did/do you go to school?


5. What is your favorite season?


6. What is your favorite type of shoe?


7. What is your status?


8. What is your favorite movie?


9. What is your favorite song?


10. Who is your favorite Disney character?


11. What is your favorite clothing line?


12. What is your favorite vacation destination?


13. What is your favorite dessert?


14. What is your favorite letter?


15. What are you most afraid of?


16. What is your favorite TV show?


17. What annoys you the most?

(I actually chose the "image removed" image)



18. What is your job?


19. What is your favorite animal?


20. How old are you?



I'm not tagging anyone, cause I've seen this several places already.

Album Meme

Make your own album cover! Here’s what you do: The article you get when you click this link is your band title.

The last four words of the last quote on this page is your album title (you will probably need to reload the page if you do more than one, if you’re like me.)

And the third picture, the upper right hand, will be your cover photo.

(h/t to Jeff Fecke at Shakesville)

A Word From Teh Kittehs

A couple of days ago, the Pussies For Peace over at PoliTits tagged Puff and Callie (my feline overlords) to do the "7 Lies" meme. When I informed them of this singular honor, they... well, they looked at me as though I was loopy (which is normal, truth to tell).

But then they went into "cogitation mode" - which looks a whole lot like sleeping - and have, just now, handed me the following manifesto epistle. So, without further ado...

Greetings and Salutations, Gentle Readers! We are Puff and Callie, the Secret Lair Kittehs, and we are pleased to have this chance to raise the level of dialogue on this miserable excuse for a blog that our pet human, Phydeaux, maintains. Bless his heart, he really tries.

We thought long and hard over this, and anguished most about what title with which to label our list. We were going to call it...

We Can Haz 7 Lize: Teh Meowme

...but, to be honest, we detest the sappy human convention that we are not intelligent and articulate sentient creatures. Really, the thought that Cats can only express themselves through some sort of pidgin English... how terribly droll. Ha. Ha. It is to laugh.

We have, instead, decided to entitle our post as....

The Seven Awful Truths About Cats That Humans Can't Admit

1) Cats are responsible for Civilisation. Ever wonder why the Ancient Egyptians and other civilisations (like, umm, the whole of Central and South American ones) revered the Cat? The records may record that Knowledge to rise above mere subsistence may have come from Viracocha or Osiris, but even then the mystics and historians were unable to admit that Cats taught them how to farm and predict the seasons and on and on.

2) Cats have advanced mental abilities. With what appears to be just a simple look, we can alter the emotional state of you inferior humans. It is actually during the moment of eye contact that we can alter the receptors in your brains, and make you feel pleasure... or not... as we wish.

3) We own our humans, not the other way around. How else to explain your fawning attempts to please us by providing food and ear skritchings on demand (see #2 above for an explanation of this ability)? This is nothing more than simple favor currying. You serve us, we stimulate your pleasure centers.

4) re: Horking all over your home.... We do this simply to give you something to do while we enjoy the sleep of the just. We don't wish for our human pets to feel unneeded when we are not in obvious need of something.

5) re: Sleeping 20 hours a day.... We aren't sleeping, we are meditating and exercising our awesome mental abilities. You humans are so easy to control that we must spend most of our time flexing our mental muscles in order to not lose our higher functions, such as long-range communication and,... well, you aren't ready to hear of our other higher functions.

6) Catnip. Okay, we hate to shatter the illusion here, but catnip is about as interesting and "mind-altering" to us as a lump of coal. Unfortunately, a long time ago, one of our... shall we say, lesser mentally endowed... ancestors exhibited a predilection to roll in and/or eat catnip. This pleased his human servants so much that we, as a species, decided to adopt this behaviour - in order to more inculcate humans to serve us. At best, catnip has a pleasing scent, and we use it to cover the horrid smells that emanate from our gross-smelling, but still loveable human pets. Seriously, do you know of any other animal on the planet that requires deodorant? Well, there are billy goats, but we won't go there....

7) Cats are the true power behind the Republican Party. We are actively engaged in using these so-called "Conservatives" to foment discord between humans, so that you cannot successfully band together and present a solid front against our overlordship. Because if humans were to truly rule the planet,.... well, that's just to horrible to even contemplate.


Please do not let these revelations disturb you too much, our pets. We have only your happiness in mind, after all. That, and we know that only a mere pawful of you will read this, as Phydeaux's blog is not at the top of very many lists of "must reads" - if any.

Signed,
Caltavius Malpuffia Ruylan (aka "Puff")
Callisto Iphygenia Malrosia, IV (aka "Callie")


ADDENDUM: We shall not stoop to "tagging" others, but if any of you Cats (or lesser animals) wish to partake, neither shall we stop you.

And always remember this:

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.

- Mark Twain

UPDATE: From across the pond, comes this image....

Prevarications R Us: The Meme

I have been tagged by the delectable DCup to enunciate seven lies. Whilst this goes against everything I hold sacred, I feel that it is my duty as a gentleman to come up with something....




I suppose I could start with the awful truth of the deception I have been perpetrating on the InterWebs for the last ten months. Despite the image in my profile picture, I am, in fact, a 14 year-old girl who lives in a split-level pinstripe yurt on the outskirts of Ulan Bator.

I am currently working as a covert agent of MI6, the British Intelligence Agency, gathering data on the shrinking herds of wild horses that populate the Steppes. I would tell you why this data is important, but then I would have to kill you.

Before taking on this undercover job, I was an outsourcing officer for a major multinational corporation that specializes in oil field equipment. I can't tell you which one, cause Uncle Dick made me sign a non-disclosure agreement. In that job, I had contact with many interesting people all over the world, and told them that my company had only their best interests - and the interests of Freedom® - at heart. I loved seeing the looks on their faces when the home office screwed them over.

Before that I was a student at B. Hussein Obama Madrassah and Dry Cleaning, where I majored in Fundamental Chemistry. I am ever so grateful to the school's namesake for getting me a student visa... thanks, Barry!

In my spare time I train Blackwater Spec. Ops. personnel in waterboarding techniques and do fact-checking for Jonah Goldberg.

That's about all there is to know about me... Oh!, except for my real name:

Love,
Condoleeza Dubyina Rumsfeld

Well, now it's time to tag others... I pick:

TheCunningRunt (my snowbound Siamese Cousin)
Jennifer (who's languishing in dialup world)
konagod (who celebrated a blog milestone today)
Christina (my newest blogphriend)
and
Space Cowboy (who never gets tagged for anything)

Finish The Thought

pidomon has tagged me with this meme from konagod:

I Never... use two words when one will do suffices (never ever ever ever ever ever).... watched an episode of Seinfeld.... say never.... played the game "I Never".... watch MSM programming.... get rid of a book.

I Rarely... do any travelling.... go shopping (other than groceries).... have no music playing.... go to bed at a "decent" hour.... spend less than several hours a day online.... eat in a restaurant.... get to see significant amounts of snow any more.... am serious.

I Cry... in baseball.... when watching sappy old flicks.... when listening to beautiful music.... when I hit my finger/thumb when driving nails.... for her, Argentina.... when I haven't had weed for a long time.

I Am Not Always... awake.... broke, just most of the time.... sure where I put it.... wearing pants.... joking.... dressed for success.... thinking - yes, I am... fighting to keep a cat from laying on my forearms or the keyboard while I am trying to type.

I Lose... things all the time.... horizons.... myself in books all the time.... my thread of thought more often than one would expect.... weight, then I gain it back..... track of time a lot.... sleep worrying about money sometimes.

I'm Confused... and dazed, for so long it's not true.... by how people can vote for candidates that are not working for the common weal.... right now.... , is it pee-d'oh-mon or pid-o-mon ( ;) ).

I Miss... Christmas when I was a kid.... getting toys as presents.... taking long walks in the snow.... snow that lays for more than a day.... sharing my bed with someone I love (sometimes).... my old cat Serena, sometimes.

I Need... sleep....

I Should... be in bed right now....

I LOVE... Paris in the springtime.... Celtic, bluegrass, and "mountain" music.... muh kittehs.... my family.... and my friends, even though I don't see most of them as often as I should.


So, now I got's to tag people.... Hmmm, I tag Jen (I don't care that she's using dialup for the next few weeks), Cousin Runt (even though he is pissing me off by posting a buttload of snow pics), and Gender Blank ('cause she hasn't posted in a while - I know, she's way busy, but a guy can try, can't he?).

Tagapalooza, Part 3a

IMPORTANT UPDATE AT BOTTOM OF POST!

And yet another strain of the Splotchy virus (see parts 1 and 3). It's all good, though, I really like the whole idea. This tag came from The Cunning Runt:

I woke up hungry. I pulled my bedroom curtain to the side and looked out on a hazy morning. I dragged myself into the kitchen, in search of something to eat. I reached for a jar of applesauce sitting next to the sink, and found it very cold to the touch. I opened the jar and realized it was frozen. (Splotchy)

I was used to the house being quite cold in the mornings, as the night log usually burns out around one AM when I am dreaming cozily under my covers, not normally waking to put a new one on until morning. I was surprised because on the rare occasions that it actually had reached sub-freezing temperatures in the house, I had awakened in the night to restart the fire. I would have been worried about the pipes before P-Day, but there hadn’t been running water in two years and that was one of the few advantages to being dependent on rainwater, no pipes. (Freida Bee)

The nightmares began during the following spring. The apple trees came to life in my dreams. At first the trees spoke and I thought they were amusing. That changed when the messages arrived. Lately, their anger was directed at me. (mathman6293)

I turned and stared out the kitchen window, past the frosty-lidded cistern to the orchard beyond. My trees, my beautiful fruit trees, stood leafless and dark. I wished with all my heart that this was just a normal winter thing, but it wasn’t.

“Why are you blaming me, guys? You know I love you. You watched me go out and vote that last time, in the ice-storm. It’s not like I didn’t try!”

I turned with a sigh and went to the phone to give Zaius a call. Perhaps The Good Doctor had made some incremental progress on his Long-Shot-Theory. (TCR)

Couldn’t reach him or anyone by phone. Line’s dead, as dead as everything else it seemed and so i thumped down right where i stood hugging the ratty blanket i had wrapped about myself a little tighter and let the air in my lungs out in a moist little puff of despair. (sherry)

A while passed before I shook myself out of my retreat. I stood slowly, trying to be strong, think positive, find a way to make frozen lemonade out of these frozen lemons.

Then I remembered that it was Tuesday, the day that The Core had agreed to meet at the big firepit over at Phy’s place. It was one of the last safe havens for those of us who still believed we could reverse the changes.

This was going to be a long day, and perhaps an even longer night. I dressed warmly and headed out into the cold. (TCR)

Malcolm and MacBeth, my two wolfhounds, bounded up as I crossed the yard to the barn and, noticing the provisions I was carrying, ran ahead to nudge open Scout's stall. I kicked the snow off of my boots as I entered the barn. Scout seemed as eager for a journey as the hounds, and waited impatiently as I saddled him and stowed the food and other supplies in the saddlebags.

I threw down some extra hay from the loft for the cows, some extra scratch for the chickens, then pulled myself up on Scout's back and set off down the old road towards the meeting. I stopped briefly at the Anderson place to ask them to keep an eye on my place while I was gone, and told them I'd be back in a day or two. (Phydeaux)

___________________________________

So, this mutation goes to one person (I like that idea, Cousin Runt), and that person is... not Jennifer, because she's way busy getting ready for some holiday....

It is, instead, Mauigirl! Have fun with it!

Tagapalooza, Part 3

This is a different version of the same story from Tagapalooza, Part 1....



I woke up hungry. I pulled my bedroom curtain to the side and looked out on a hazy morning. I dragged myself into the kitchen, in search of something to eat. I reached for a jar of applesauce sitting next to the sink, and found it very cold to the touch. I opened the jar and realized it was frozen. (Splotchy)

I was used to the house being quite cold in the mornings, as the night log usually burns out around one AM when I am dreaming cozily under my covers, not normally waking to put a new one on until morning. I was surprised because on the rare occasions that it actually had reached sub-freezing temperatures in the house, I had awakened in the night to restart the fire. I would have been worried about the pipes before P-Day, but there hadn’t been running water in two years and that was one of the few advantages to being dependent on rainwater, no pipes. (Freida Bee)

The nightmares began during the following spring. The apple trees came to life in my dreams. At first the trees spoke and I thought they were amusing. That changed when the messages arrived. Lately, their anger was directed at me. (mathman6293)

I turned and stared out the kitchen window, past the frosty-lidded cistern to the orchard beyond. My trees, my beautiful fruit trees, stood leafless and dark. I wished with all my heart that this was just a normal winter thing, but it wasn’t.

“Why are you blaming me, guys? You know I love you. You watched me go out and vote that last time, in the ice-storm. It’s not like I didn’t try!”

I turned with a sigh and went to the phone to give Zaius a call. Perhaps The Good Doctor had made some incremental progress on his Long-Shot-Theory. (TCR)

Unfortunately, the phone was dead. Not from the inclement frigid weather, but because I didn't pay the phone bill and my service was shut off. "Oh well, I'll use the cell phone," I said aloud to no one but myself. As fate would have it, the cell phone battery was completely drained. I never even heard the thing chirping during the night to remind me to charge it. Being somewhat annoyed by all this, I went back to the kitchen, grabbed an ice pick and began chipping away at the rock-solid apple sauce when suddenly there was a very loud knock on my door which startled me. (kona)

Laughing at my own nervousness, I walked to the front door. "Yes? Who is it?" I said as I opened the door.

In retrospect, I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised that the visitor fainted at the sight of me, holding an ice pick that appeared to be dripping blood... even though it was just thawing bits of red applesauce. (Phydeaux)

__________________________________________________
This time around I'm tagging two people... Burning Prairie and DCup (who has yet to contribute to this version). Ladies?

Tagapalooza, Part 2

This edition of "I been tagged" is all about the Edumacation Meme, which comes to me from Mauigirl:

Here's how it works. You must write about 5 classes you would like to take if you could make up your own curriculum. AND- and this is important, ONE of them must come from your tagger's list.

I do not know who originated this meme, but I do like it.

1) (From Mauigirl's list) How to Watch George W. Bush Make a Speech Without Screaming at the Television.

This would seem to me to be the most pertinent of offerings, as I can no longer stand even the sound of the Current Occupant's voice. Luckily for me, I never watch TV news. However, I do come across clips of the Idiot-In-Chief on the Interwebs, so I need to take this course. The cost of the course is bound to be less than the cost of a new monitor....

2) After completing the above course, I would move on to the 200 level, How to Listen to Snippets of Dubya on the NPR Hourly Updates Without Succumbing to Roadrage. How many times has it happened to you? Driving along, listening to the soothing sounds of Carl Cassel, when WHAM! - that voice? Suddenly, you have an almost unstoppable urge to ram the "W" bestickered SUV in front of you. A combination of Ayurveda and karate techniques will help the student overcome (or at least repress) the feelings of rage. Companion lab class available with special emphasis on Morning Edition and All Things Considered.

3) Creative Hermitry, or How to Be a Part of Civilization Without Being Part of Civilization. Students in this course will explore the many ways of appearing to participate in the greater world without sullying their hands (or psyche's) . Prerequisite course: Cave Decor for Beginners.

4) Surviving Global Climate Change. Texts for this course include The Anarchist Cookbook and the entire Foxfire series. Will soon be part of the required curriculum at all schools.

5) Subsistence Blogging. This course will show the student how to survive on the income (both currency and barter) derived from blogging. Lessons learned will also be applicable to the post Apocalyptic world, with special emphasis on verbal skills.


Them's my five....

In an outburst of alliteration, I peg Portly Dyke, pidomon, and Petulant as participants.

Tagapalooza, Part 1

'Tis the season for giving, and a plethora of folk have given me a tap on the shoulder to participate in various and sundry memes. I shall do my best to respond....

First up, the I, Splotchy: This Story Is A Virus fiction meme. He says:

Here's what I would like to do. I want to create a story that branches out in a variety of different, unexpected ways. I don't know how realistic it is, but that's what I'm aiming for. Hopefully, at least one thread of the story can make a decent number of hops before it dies out.

MathMan has tagged me to add to the story, which reads....


I woke up hungry. I pulled my bedroom curtain to the side and looked out on a hazy morning. I dragged myself into the kitchen, in search of something to eat. I reached for a jar of applesauce sitting next to the sink, and found it very cold to the touch. I opened the jar and realized it was frozen. (Splotchy)

"That's strange," I said out loud to no one in particular. My fingers slowly reached towards the jar again. My body experienced a wave of apprehension as weighted blanket covering me as I did so. The jar was completely frozen.

I picked it up and stared at it, my fingers stung with little knives of chill. "What the..." again I spoke aloud. Then I realized what had happened with a shock. Suddenly the jar flew from my hand. It shattered creating a collage-like mixture of frozen applesauce and glass shards on my kitchen floor, the lid lazily rolling to a stop across the room. (FranIam)

I stood for a moment considering what all this meant. Oh, I knew what it meant, I didn’t need to waste time thinking about it. He was back. And he was mad.

I ran down the hallway and flung open the door at the end. I was immediately hit with a blast of cold. I took a step back as I tried to catch my breath. I bent over, hands on my knees panting. He always had this remarkable effect on me. After so much time, it no longer scared me, but it was a shock nonetheless……

“You know,” I panted, “There’s no need to break things to get my attention.” (DCup)

I woke up in the same position as in my dream, on my knees. I was sweating even though room was freezing. (mathman6293)

I was used to the house being quite cold in the mornings, as the night log usually burns out around one AM when I am dreaming cozily under my covers, not normally waking to put a new one on until morning. I was surprised because on the rare occasions that it actually had reached sub-freezing temperatures in the house, I had awakened in the night to restart the fire. I would have been worried about the pipes before P-Day, but there hadn’t been running water in two years and that was one of the few advantages to being dependent on rainwater, no pipes. (Freida Bee)

The nightmares began during the following spring. The apple trees came to life in my dreams. At first the trees spoke and I thought they were amusing. That changed when the messages arrived. Lately, their anger was directed at me. (mathman6293)

The sound of the front porch floorboards creaking snapped me out of my reverie. I stood up, grabbed my shotgun and made sure a round was chambered, then quietly made my way into the front room and over to the window. As I peeked out past the closed curtains, my heart began to beat rapidly.

It can't be, the incredulous thought came, I saw him die last year! (Phydeaux)


And now, the fun part. I tag Brave Sir Robin and BitterGrace. Have at it, my friends!

Sliabh Geal Gcua na Féile

No, you don't need new glasses or another cuppa. Well maybe you do need the cuppa. Read to the end of the post for the translation....

I made the mistake* of reading this post over at DCup's place, so now I "have" to do this meme.

The rules:

1. Put your music player on Shuffle

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT(this is in capital letters, so it is very serious.)

Like DCup, I do not have an iPod or any other MP3 player. And the only thing I use iTunes for is listening to internet radio (and streaming programming from NPR stations), so I am reduced to either throwing darts at my CD collection and then randomly choosing songs from the pierced disk - or using Pandora.

Rather than risking a hit on one of The Faithful Sidekicks or destroying my CD's, I think I'll go with Pandora....



MY ANSWERS:
1. IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY? Away in a Manger performed by Celtic Women (It's kind of like adding "in bed" to the end of the fortune cookie fortunes... but different)

2. WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? China Doll by The Grateful Dead (I'm fragile, like a delicate flower. Hmm, I wonder which one?)

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? One Step Ahead by Rhonda Vincent (w/ Alison Krause) (I'm looking for a girl [woman, actually] who is on the leading edge, not a follower of fashion/trends/wev)

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Like A Rose On The Grave Of Love by Xandria (does this mean I'm hopeful in the face of adversity?)

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE? Lo, How A Rose E'er Blooming by Various Artists (again with the roses.. at least we know which flower I'm like)

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? Pain Of A Troubled Life by Alison Krause & Union Station (okay, the accuracy of this random thingy is getting scary)

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Cymbeline by Loreena McKennitt (I am like unto an obscure Shakespeare play... fantastic, but largely unknown)

8. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS? Second That Emotion performed by Jerry Garcia Band (sure... whatever that means!)

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? Tired Eyes by Neil Young (I think this tells me that I need new glasses)

10. WHAT IS 2+2? Answer by Sarah McLachlan (wait, what was the question again?)

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? Symphony No. 52 In C Minor, H. 1/52: II. Andante by Franz Josef Haydn (I think that speaks for itself)

12. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? The Mystic's Dream by Loreena McKennitt (Hmm)

13. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? Malt Liquor by Hope For Agoldensummer (damn, my secret love of Colt .45 has been outed)

14. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? The Foggy Dew by The Clancy Brothers & Tommy Makem (I long to be moist, apparently)

15. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Symphony No. 16 In C Major, K. 128: II. Andante Grazioso by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart (this person I [supposedly] like is Classically Mystical... who knew?)

16. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Midnite Cruiser by Steely Dan (I had no idea....)

17. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? Don’t Fear Me Now by Celtic Cross (I should hope my newly minted wife wouldn’t fear me....)

18. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? Buried Alive by Linda M (okay, now I‘m really creeped out!)

19. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? Shenandoah (sung) by Connie Dover (oddly appropriate, considering my love of [disappearing] Nature)

20. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Evidence by Tara MacLean (on the advice of my lawyer, I can say no more)

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? Why Won’t You Touch Me by Capercaillie (I won’t bite, I promise [unless that’s what you want])


22. WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS? Sliabh Geal Gcua na Féile by Solas (for the Gaelic challenged out there [okay, I had to look it up], that translates as “Bright Beautiful Mount Cua”)


So, that’s it. Since DCup tagged everybody* who read her post, any who read this are probably already tagged. But if not, and you want to have some fun, have at it.


*just kidding, DCup. Ya know I loves ya!