Wherein The Author Recycles Earlier Writing

I came up with this post after reading Teh Portly Dyke's latest, so, if ye haven't yet, go read it.

Long time readers -- and those who have delved into my archives -- know that I was, for a time, a columnist in the Rapid River Literary Magazine. Back when I started this blog (over 700 posts ago), I "introduced" myself by reprinting a few of those columns. Some of them were general, and some specific, and I posted the general ones here for the two people who were reading me back then. If you're interested, you can click on the Tag (AKA Label, AKA Category): Rapid River, and read the ones that I posted. Anyway....

One of them was about the "Impending Doom" of Y2K. Remember that? We were all going to be catapulted back into the Stone Age because computer programmers didn't think ahead back in the 1970's, and only had 2 digits in the year columns. Yeah, that happened. So, the main thrust of that article was... not correct. Part of it, however, has become relevant in today's Economic situation, so I figured I'd post it here (with a couple of word changes in brackets):

A much more likely possibility, in my opinion, is that the giant herd of cattle and sheep we call Civilization will be scared by all this talk of [Economic Disaster and Depression] and will lose its collective shit. You think I'm loopy? That's how the Great Depression [of 1929] started. A couple a guys on Wall Street got nervous and sold off some stock to cover their margins, the people buying those shares did the same and a landslide resulted that threw the entire world into a depression. All it will take is for the herd to lose faith in the dollar and everything will collapse. Life in America will not be like "The Waltons", it will be more like The Grapes of Wrath mated with Red Dawn.

Do something for me. Pick up that dollar you are going to leave as a tip and look at it for a moment. How much is it worth? Why? The answers are, 1) "A dollar" and 2) "Because it says so right on it and we all believe it". Is that gallon of milk at the grocery store, that you will pay [$4.69] to purchase, any different from the gallon of milk for which John Boy Walton would have paid 20 cents at Ike Godsey's store? Not really. I know, I know, inflation is inevitable, blah, blah, blah.

Do yourselves a favor, folks. Start working on a barter network (there are lots around already if you look) and plan an escape route. The Self-Perpetuating End-Of-The-World Government-Promoted ... Thing could hit hard and fast.

By the way, that was part of my very first column (August 1999). And I was asked to keep writing. Heh.

On Rape (and Prison Reform)

I am posting the following (which is a reprint of an opinion piece I wrote for the Rapid River Literary Magazine several years ago) not as another in my series "Hey, to introduce myself...", but as a response (in part) to this post at Shakesville. I realize that a good deal of it is not relevant to that discussion, but since it does express my opinion on the various subjects I didn't want to edit it.

June 2000
I just received word that (yet another) friend of mine has been raped. Quite unfortunately, this is not an uncommon experience. I just have one question. What the fuck is wrong with this civilization?!?!?! Why have we allowed the situation to become so intricately screwed up? Why has the quest to be the one with the most money been allowed to dominate this supposedly enlightened world we live in?

I know exactly what's going to happen with regards to the attack on my friend. Essentially the same thing that has happened in the cases of the other women that I know that have been raped. In the extremely small likelihood that anyone is ever brought to trial, even a conviction will probably not cause the rapist to spend any appreciable time behind bars. It can't, you see, because this violent, slime-encrusted, less worthy of respect than Hitler... entity... will be paroled to make more room in prison for non-violent drug offenders.

I want all of you pro-Drug War people reading this to listen closely. An increasingly larger majority of prison inmates are serving time for non-violent offenses. Due to the high cost of housing prisoners, not to mention the even higher cost of building new prisons to hold these perpetrators of crimes that have no victims, more and more violent offenders are being paroled.

Here's a shock; these violent offenders know this. What kind of detriment is this for them? They get to spend a couple of years on the public dole, and then they're released to attack someone else.

So we have two classes of people that we're talking about here. One group shoots, stabs, beats, rapes, robs, and generally makes their victim feel either unworthy of life or dead. The other group smokes up and either listens to Grateful Dead music, watches old Monty Python or similar humorous programs, or goes for a hike in the woods. And our society, our great experiment in democracy, our nation that was founded on individual rights and personal freedoms - has deemed it appropriate to release group one and hold group two - to protect society. Yeah right.

I don't really want to sound totally cynical, and I'm not a big believer in conspiracy theories, but let me just throw this out. How many millions of dollars a year in profits do pharmaceutical companies reap from prescriptions written by MD's and psychologists to treat the victims of violent crimes? How many contributions to society are delayed or lost forever by these same victims? Maybe you'll understand this one - How much are job productivity, profits, and health care costs affected by the employers of these victims? How much longer are we going to allow the people, as in "We the people", to be propagandized, prodded and frightened into not asserting their constitutionally guaranteed rights?

Now, I don't want you to think that I believe there should be no regulations regarding drugs. I think that cocaine and heroin should be more difficult to procure than winning lottery tickets, and I personally believe that whoever invented crack should be extradited to Saudi Arabia and punished according to the harshest possible interpretation of Sharia law. And I think that anyone who "turns on" children, other than their parents, should be treated just as harshly. But don't you see that placing a stigma on something just makes it more attractive to children and adolescents? Do you not remember being a teenager and rebelling (or at least wanting to) just because you could? Not to mention the fact that it would also piss off your parents.

Marijuana is called weed because it is one. Weeds grow anywhere and are impossible to eradicate. The effect of smoking it is very calming, so naturally smokers tend to be more pacifist than average. People with violent tendencies don't like the effect of pot on their systems, it takes away their rage. Maybe we should prescribe it for the violent offenders. They would be much less likely to commit the crimes in the first place, and if we arrested them for possession, at least we could keep them off the streets longer, thereby further reducing the risk to society at large.

One last thing, as you think about this article, think how you would feel if the next victim of my friend's attacker is your friend or sister or wife or mother.

I welcome any reasoned responses to, whether what I wrote agrees with you or pisses you off.

(To give you a bit of background on the above, not only had a friend been raped only days before I wrote it, but the attacker of another had just been paroled - after serving less than ten percent of his sentence. Hence my veering into a screed about the state of prisons. I also admit that my words did nothing to address the underlying problem. That is a failing on my part.)

Let me expand on the part of the above that is pertinent to this discussion. In the seven years since I wrote that editorial, many more of my friends have experienced rape - and it doesn't appear that any gains have been made towards stopping this offense against women (and indeed, all of humanity). In fact, it seems at times like the problem is getting worse. I don't know whether it is because civilization is becoming more polarized and violent or that we (or at least, I) are simply more aware of what has always been.

I have to believe, however, that strides (however small and insignificant they may seem) are being made to eradicate the underlying problems that promote acts such as rape - because to believe otherwise would be to believe that there is no hope for the future of our race. And if that is true, then all of us might just as well unplug our computers, lie down and drift off into that endless sleep that inevitably awaits.

I have tried, and shall continue to try, to have a positive effect by my actions and words. I suggest that we all do the same.

Let's Hear it for Bidness!

I haven't done a “Hey, to introduce myself to the Internets I’ll reprint some old magazine articles I wrote” in a while, so I thought I'd post this article from the April 2000 issue of Rapid River Literary Magazine. Enjoy....

"Thank you for calling MegaLo, your one stop customer first shopping center."

"Yes, hello, I would -"

"No one can get to the phone right now, but your call is very important to us. If you would like to connect with sales, press one. If you would like to connect with marketing, press two. If you need to correct an order, press four. If you need to place an order, press five. If the second letter of your mother's maiden name is not a vowel, press six. If you prefer dogs to cats, press seven. If you need to hear this menu again, press star."

[BEEP] [RING] [RING]

"You have reached the sales department here at MegaLo, your one stop customer first shopping center. No one can get to the phone right now, but your call is very important to us. If you know your party's extension, you may dial it at any time. To place an order, press one. To check on an order, press two. To be placed on our e-mail list, press three. To repeat this menu, press star."

[BEEP] [RING] [RING]

"Thank you for calling the routing department here at MegaLo, your one stop customer first shopping center. We can't get to the phone right now, but your call is very important to us. To check the status of your order, press one. To verify shipment of your order, press two. For the latest stock quotes, press three. To repeat this menu, press star."

[BEEP] [RING] [RING]

"Hi, this is Ted Whisnant, head of the routing department at MegaLo, your one stop customer first shopping center. I can't get to the phone right now, but your call is very important to me. Please leave a brief message at the beep, or press one to speak with my office assistant."

[BEEP] [RING] [RING]

"Thank you for calling the office of Ted Whisnant, head of routing at MegaLo, your one stop customer first shopping center. No one can get to the phone right now, but your call is very important to us. At the sound of the beep, please leave a brief message, including your name and phone number and we will get back to you as soon as possible. BEEP."

.

A Letter From the Future

Part five in my “Hey, to introduce myself to the Internets I’ll reprint some old magazine articles I wrote” series. This one was originally printed in the March 2001 issue of the Rapid River Literary Magazine. I meant to post this on Sunday, in honor of Earth Day, but... didn't.

My Dearest Darling,


I hope this letter finds you in good health. The situation here is, as always, stable but chaotic. Since we are deep into winter, the constant stream of refugees seeking water has dwindled to a trickle. The biggest problem we have now is trying to provide shelter for those who do show up. I spent the last two weeks stationed at the Black Mountain checkpoint (in the pass where the old interstate comes up the mountain). The few refugees that come up have been temporarily placed in the compound (the old Ridgecrest) until they can be processed and either granted admission into the Conclave or sent back down the mountain.

I don't think I'll ever get used to seeing all these destitute people, folk who believed the government of the United States when they were told that the future was grand and glorious, that unlimited growth and unlimited power consumption were not only posible but actually preferable, people who never gave a thought to the fact that humanity was destroying the planet. I'll never get used to seing them trudge up here, thinking that things here are like they used to be. I see the haunted looks on their faces, with their starving children and their meager possessions, clinging to the past. They still believe, for the most part, that civilization is merely experiencing a temporary difficulty and that somehow the remnant of the Federal Government is going to make things better.

Speaking of Federals, a company of soldiers passed through the other day, returning to the War Zone after a week of R&R at the beaches outside Fayetteville. I spoke with one of them, a young man from Ohio, and he told me that their unit had been stationed in Little Rock and had been part of the army that had attempted (unsuccessfuly) to liberate Dallas from the Mexicans. He also believed that things were "just about" to return to a pre-Collapse state. This was from a seventeen year old kid, who couldn't possibly remember much about the Old Times.

The best part of the Federal's visit was, of course, the barter. They had three crates of oranges, that must have been smuggled out of Cuban Territory, and several crates of (almost) fresh vegetables. In exchange for these delicacies, we were more than willing to allow them safe passage through the Conclave, and even hooked their vehicles up to our generators and fully charged their batteries, which was enough to get them to Knoxville and out of our territory.

We were very careful, while they were here, to not display too much power or water usage. They bivouacked on the old interstate roadbed, in an area where we had no winter crops, and weren't allowed access to any sensitive areas.

Some other rumors we heard from the Federals included news from Europe. Reports indicate that the Asian Hegemony has finally rooted out the last resistance cells of the Euro Army and that everything east of the Alps is now under Chinese control. The English still control the Isles and what remains of the northwest of Mainland Europe. Apparently, the Hegemony didn't think that invading Great Britain was worthwhile, since little natural resources remain in British Territory.

The Feds also passed on intelligence from Africa and South America, more news of total anarchy. It appears that both continents have completely returned to tribal unit status and that no national governments survived the turmoil there.

Of course, none of this information is less than five months old, so situations could have changed drastically, but it now appears that the global population is now less than three billion people. This means that over four billion people have died over the last twenty years. And yet, there are people who still deny that the civilization of the late twentieth century, the gross over-consumption and amassing of economic power into the hands of a bureaucratic elite, the supremacy of materialism over stewardship, that all of these things, along with unsustainable population growth, caused the Collapse.

One of the Feds even told us that there is, in the planning stages, an invasion of the Arctic Territories -- an attempt to recapture the oil fields and restart production. I don't see how even the Feds themselves can believe that the attempt would by anything other than a total failure. The Inuit are too well entrenched, and without fuel for the tanks the Feds would have to rely totally on infantry to carry out such an invasion. It will succeed only in decreasing the population of North America even further.

It's hard to believe now, looking back over the last twenty-five years, that what we knew as civilization could have disintegrated so quickly. I remember seeing a television news program back in '01 that contained predictions regarding future crises and conflicts in which the United States could become involved. These predictions were based on Central Intelligence Agency studies, and said that the most precious resource world-wide would be, within ten years, fresh water.

As I recall, the greatest areas of concern in these reports were Southeast Asia and the Middle East. Well, this report was obviously one of the most accurate ever produced by any governmental agency. By 2008, Egypt had conquered the Sudan, Ethiopia and Somalia, thereby gaining total control over the Nile River.

Almost immediately after, the combined forces of Iraq and Iran invaded Southern Turkey in an attempt to gain control of the headwaters of the Tigris and Euphrates Rivers. Simultaneously, in Asia, China and India began land-grabs that ended only when they had divided betwen them all of Southeast Asia.

American's first involvement in these conflicts came when Turkey requested NATO aid in their battle against the invaders from the south. This involvement, as you know, didn't last long. The OPEC states immediately stopped exporting crude oil. Then, and to this day we don't know whether it was the eco-terrorists who were flourishing in those days or OPEC Special Forces, the oil fields in the Alaskan Arctic were destroyed, and the Alaskan Pipeline shut down, leaving Texas, Oklahoma and Louisiana as the only sources of fossil fuels in the U.S.

That was when the Mexicans invaded, decimating the vaunted American Armed Forces, who lacked the effective counter to the masses of infantry and horse cavalry with which the Mexicans crossed the border. It was all the American forces could do to stop the advance west of the Mississippi River, keeping America in control of that strategic waterway.

The end of America's profligate use of energy came too late, however, to stop the environmental disasters that followed. Decades of over-consumption and pollution helped raise global temperatures enough to melt most of the polar ice caps and continental glaciers, which caused worldwide sea levels to rise over one hundred feet, inundating most of the world's major cities.
Other climatic changes ensued, and long-established weather patterns seemed to change overnight, blanketing most of North America (not to mention Europe and Northern Asia) under heavy snowfalls each increasingly longer winter.

I suppose, though, that those of us who have survived these upheavals are, in a way, better off than before. We discovered, to the surprise of most, that a lot of the things that we "had to have" in order to get by turned out to be totally unimportant in the real scheme of things (remember the cell phone and automatic coffee makers?). Wealth at the expense of others, power at the expense of the environment, and decrees of government at the expense of the people all hastened the end of things "as we knew them."

It is my fervent hope, my Darling, that our children, and the children of the world, will grow up with the indisputable knowledge that we can make a difference -- positive or negative -- and that if we err in the future, it will hopefully be on the side of caution.

Love Always,
Phydeaux

*The preceding letter from the future has been brought to you by the Ecosphere of Earth. We hope that it isn't too late already.

Climate Change is Real!!!

The following is the fourth in the continuing series, “Hey, to introduce myself to the Internets I’ll reprint some old magazine articles I wrote”. This one was written for the September 2000 issue of Rapid River Literary Magazine.

Have you been paying attention to the weather lately? I mean, you've obviously noticed the weather, but have you actually paid any attention to it? Over the past couple of weeks, we, here in Asheville, have experienced everything from chilly and wet (approximately, oh, late March weather) to cool and dry (late Fall weather) to hot and humid ("appropriate" August weather). A year and a half ago [1999], Asheville laid claim to a statewide temperature record. Do you remember that record-setting day? 80 degrees Fahrenheit... in Asheville... in February.

I remember, as a puppy growing up in the northern foothills of North Carolina, consistently cold weather in the Winter, and, oddly enough, consistently hot weather in the Summer. To be sure, there were mild days, both in the Winter and Summer, but for the most part, Winter was cold and Summer was hot (those of you who grew up in South Florida and Southern California will have to trust me on this seasonal climatic variance).

I also remember general precipitation patterns. In Winter there were regular snowfalls and/or ice accumulations (depending on latitude and elevation). Springtime brought showers and steady rains, Summer had its strong afternoon thunderstorms, and Autumn delivered its usual gentle rains and occasional early frosts. These patterns were well established and had been observed and relied upon by the Cherokee and other peoples that inhabited this area long before any Europeans came this way.

What about cataclysmic weather, you may ask? Of a certainty, Spring brought tornados through the Midwest and in the Piedmont and coastal regions of the southeast, and, from late Summer through Autumn, hurricanes were always a potential threat. There were also periodic droughts and floods. I remember a family trip to Texas in 1975, the purpose of which was a visit with my grandfather, that took place during a great Mississippi flood. As we traveled west on I-40, we encountered standing water just west of Nashville, Tennessee, and didn't reach the other side of the flood until almost Little Rock, Arkansas.

I also remember listening to Walter Cronkite relay a news item, some time in the early 1970s, about a new theory proposed by climate experts, a phenomenon they called Global Warming, caused by something known as greenhouse gases. There was concern expressed that, unless more research was done and steps taken, these accumulations of greenhouse gases could eventually adversely affect our climate.

Well, it's thirty years later, and what have we learned? Carbon dioxide (CO2) content in the atmosphere is at its highest since the time of the dinosaurs. There is at least one hole in the Ozone layer (which protects our planet, and all life on it, from ultraviolet rays from the sun) which, despite the banning of chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs) is continuing to grow [ This, however, may be changing; see here] .

We have also learned that the two main contributors to these record CO2 emissions are power plants and automobiles.
And so we come to the heart of the problem: power plants and automobiles -- electricity and cars. The abilities to dispel darkness and be mobile -- two cornerstones of the "American Dream". A recent report shows that there are more autos in the US than people by almost 20 million. Cars probably outnumber legal drivers by upwards of 100 million.

Power companies steadfastly refuse to voluntarily reduce harmful emissions, and our elected federal officials (Senators and Congressmen) are equally steadfast in their refusal to mandate reductions. The reason usually given for this stance by industry and government is that it would be cost-prohibitive to retrofit existing plants to make them cleaner. I'm here to tell you that it will be much less "cost effective" (not to mention impossible) to retrofit our planet with life once our modern, enlightened society destroys what exists now.

So when you vote this November, remember that all the money in the world won't help you breathe when the air is toxic.

See ya.

Well, it's been another seven and a half years since I wrote that. What has happened since then? Weather patterns have become even more unstable. Greenhouse gas emissions have increased, both in the United States and abroad. The Current Occupant of the White House has voided implementation (in the US, at any rate) of the Kyoto Protocols and directed political appointees to edit scientific studies to show reduced climate impact by pollution. Even NASA has muzzled climatologists who wish to speak out regarding Climate Change.

In the meantime, the scientific community has continued its' attempts to beat past the bulwark of misinformation and religious obstinacy (see Falwell, Robertson, et al) and illuminate the problem. An Inconvenient Truth, and Al Gore's continued efforts, are helping. Even the disbelievers (see Inhofe, etc) sometimes, through the sheer stupidity of their arguments, inadvertently champion the cause.

My personal opinion is that it matters not at all whether human activity is contributing to climate change (and, yes, I believe that it is). What matters is, human activity can help minimize the change, if we get off our fat asses and do something.

Wake Up and Smell the Nature!

Okay, I totally realize this is cheating (reprinting old material in a new venue), but, as they say "What the Poop!" (h/t to Shakespeare's Sister and Momma Shakes!). The following (from the November 2000 edition of Rapid River Literary Magazine), which is the third in the “Hey, to introduce myself to the Internets I’ll reprint some old magazine articles I wrote” series, helps explain, to anyone who happens to blunder by this meager excuse for a blog, a little more about me. Enjoy….

I recently allowed my continuing dissatisfaction with "civilization" to lead me to make some striking changes in my life. As long time readers may remember, for the past two years I was the owner/operator of a small retail [Head] shop in downtown Asheville. Yes, I was a merchant. A businessman. A minor league Medici. A Sam Walton wannabe.

Strange thing is, I've always been more of a John-Boy Walton wannabe. For me, peace and contentment have always been found in a picturesque valley or a star-filled sky over a roaring campfire, rather than in stacks of coins. Crickets, rushing water and the wind in the trees do far more for me than the clink of money.

So there I was, living the American dream of being self-employed, in the midst of the thriving metropolis of Asheville. Being serenaded by the dulcet tones of diesel engines, sirens, and late night drunks, my vision filled with pollution, concrete, asphalt and folks too busy getting somewhere else to notice where they were and what surrounded them. Ah, what… living hell it was.

There finally came a day when I could take it no longer and made the decision to sever my connection with the world of retail. It was something that I had threatened to do several times and I believe that my friends didn't really believe that I would actually do it this time. Well, I did. I met with my business partner and determined what I could get for my stake in the business, and then went in search of my new home.

Since I was very young I have tremendously enjoyed camping. My family had a travel trailer and we spent about half of summer break in campgrounds, usually along the Blue Ridge Parkway. During my senior year in high school, I lived in the travel trailer. At the time, it was really cool to live "in my own place", and looking back from the present the appeal of compact living was very strong. Therefore, I determined to seek out an RV in which to live.

It didn't take me long to find the perfect one. I ended up with an old Winnebago, big - but not too much so - in very good shape, and at a very good price. I then entered "Walden" mode, and culled my possessions down to a minimum. During this process I made several of my friends and three different local non-profit organizations very happy with donations of furniture, appliances and various and sundry other things. At this point I have managed to cull my worldly possessions down to clothing, books (I couldn't bring myself to get rid of many of those), music, and a few of my more meaningful knickknacks.

Ye gods, how much more free this has made me feel! No longer do I yearn to buy the latest whatever. I have shelter, food, clothing and the company of my cats, and I'm here to tell you folks, that's really all a person needs. I hear folks talking about buying this or needing to get that and I just wonder why they feel they need these things? They are doing nothing but complicating their lives with unnecessary clutter. And their desire for these material things simply drives them to greater and greater heights of consumerism - not to mention further and further into debt.

Most people feel that they need great amounts of material things to make their lives worthwhile. People, please believe me when I tell you that it just ain't so! If you want to experience something that will make you feel invigorated, just go out to the country, find a spot with little to no evidence of "civilization", and sit down. Just sit there for a while. Now answer this, would you rather do this every day for just an hour or so, or would you prefer to earn an extra dollar an hour?

Just the other morning I was sitting at the dining table drinking my coffee (I haven't given up everything) and listening to public radio when my aforementioned cats got all excited, looking out the front windows of the motor home and pacing back and forth. At first I thought they were just trying to figure out how to get at the squirrels (who have been going nuts - no pun intended - with their nut gathering -- it's going to be a rough winter according to their actions), but as I got up to refill my coffee cup and look out the windows to see the object of the cats' attention, I was astounded to see a mountain lion. Not something you see everyday and certainly not something you'd see spending all your time in the city. So take my advice and follow my lead and maybe, just maybe, you too might see something out of the ordinary and rare.
See ya.

[By the way, according to wildlife officials here (Western NC), there are no mountain lions in this area. How strange, considering I have seen her two other times (and heard the distinctive 'baby crying' sound of her voice many times) since my initial sighting….]

Fear and Loathing in Ashe Vegas

The following is the second in my “Hey, to introduce myself to the Internets I’ll reprint some old magazine articles I wrote” series. Here is the piece I wrote for the Nov 1999 edition of Asheville, NC’s Rapid River Literary Magazine, as it originally appeared, with updates/remarks in brackets:

Ross Perot, I must thank you from the bottom of my heart. As a matter of fact, I think that I speak for all Americans when I say, "Thank you, Mr. Perot. Thanks to you and the Reform Party; for the first time in probably forever, the American people are exercising their right to be involved in national politics." However, what's happening isn't quite, I daresay, what the Framers of the Constitution had in mind. At my last count, approximately 2,346,972 citizens have announced their intentions to run for the office of President in the election of 2000. (Which, by the way, is the last election of the 20th century.)

Mr. Perot, the example you set in the last two presidential elections [1992 & 1996] was of such shining stuff as to instill into the average American's conscious the ultimate truth that any bozo can run for office. As if some of the choices of the last three decades haven't been proof enough of that. [Not to mention the buffoon who ended up ’winning’ the 2000 election]

And boy, are the clown cars crowding city hall parking lots all over American as candidacy is filed. Religious leaders, entertainment leaders, infotainment leaders, sports leaders, and loss leaders are filing in record amounts. To print the ballots alone will destroy thousands of acres of forest land -- although this will keep a few people working a little bit longer raping the planet and reducing the chances that our children will be able to breathe outside without respirators, so I suppose it's a good thing after all.

Actually, I do feel that all of these unusual candidates are a good thing for the system. The two party system is hopelessly bloated and corrupt. The "rules" of elections have been written by the party bosses in such a way as to make the will of the people immaterial. [As evidenced by the SCOTUS selection of George III - I mean Dumbya - I mean, ahh, screw it. Read on…] Big surprise there, huh.

Partisanship has gone beyond mere annoyance, such as the shutting down of the Federal government a while back [Late 1995 - Early 1996] , to the unbridled lunacy of yesterday's rejection of the Nuclear Test Ban Treaty. What is this horse shite they are trying to feed us?!? "Signing on to this treaty will damage our national defense." I believe that using nuclear weapons -- first strike or retaliatory -- is just flat-out wrong. It was wrong during the Cold War, when MAD (Mutual Assured Destruction) was the best thing they could come up with. And it is assuredly wrong today.

Let's assume that some nation detonates a nuclear warhead somewhere in the United States. This would be horrible, but why would we respond with nuclear force? More to the point, why would any country even take the chance? No other single nation on the planet controls the stockpile of weapons that the US does, so in a toe-to-toe confrontation they would be hopelessly outgunned. Even if we didn't use nukes, our conventional forces would overwhelm any force in retaliation for an attack on American soil. [Remember, I wrote this in February of 2000, before Dumbya was selected by SCOTUS and Rummy got his greasy little hands on the military and FUBAR’ed it]

Back to my point... Partisanship is out of control. The system is broken. Drastic measures must be taken. Let us seriously consider some of these candidates who, at first blush, look totally out of their depth. Donald Trump? Let's see, didn't he lose a lot of his fortune on bad investments? Mark him off the list. Warren Beatty? Ever see "Ishtar"? Who's next? Pat Buchanan? Here's a tip, Pat. Most people in America wouldn't hire you as a gardener, much less elect you President.

There are some folks out there to whom you should really give a listen. But it's up to you to find this information. That is truly what democracy is. Each individual determining, for his or her self, what beliefs to have and what choices to make... in Presidential elections and grocery stores.
With all this in mind, it is with great humility that I, Phydeaux Speaks, do hereby announce my candidacy for the Presidency of the United States of America. I have already formed an exploratory committee, composed of my peers, and they have found three bones, two old shoes, and a candy wrapper. I feel that these results are a clear mandate from the masses, a real clap of lightning, a true barometer of the will of the people, and evidence that you should never have an exploratory committee made up entirely of hounds. I shall, over the next few months, be explaining, in excruciating detail, the planks of my platform.

See Ya.

Y2K.07

The New York Times posted an article about the change in Daylight Saving Time causing a mini y2k. I thought that this commentary I wrote in August of 1999 for the Rapid River Literary Magazine was apropos.

"So, anyway, here we are at the end of the Twentieth Century, and what, exactly, is going on? Wait, wait, first things first. The twentieth century (I'm not sure it deserves capitalization) does not end until December 31, 2000!!! We must not allow this travesty to continue! Simple math, folks. There was no year 0AD (or BC or LMNOPC!)! Did Arthur C. Clarke pick a number at random when he wrote 2001: A Space Odyssey? No, he didn't. Personally, I think he foresaw, as he has other things in our time, the mass confusion and error of the Gregorian Calendar worshipping world, (it's not the end of the century in China, people) and was partially hoping to educate people about the Truth of the situation.
Now, we are facing a possible breakdown of civilization at midnight on December 31. One reason is the Y2K computer problem. You do know who is responsible for "two digit year", don't you? The United States Government, in its eternally shortsighted manner of doing things cheaply, decreed to all computer programmers "that thou shalt use only two digits for each year, whereby ye shall save us quibrillillions of monies, with which ye shall then line the pockets of our most high Senators, Congressmen, and other elected and appointed officials." Obviously, those in charge at the time hoped that a nuclear holocaust would occur before their error became public knowledge. Sorry that didn't happen, guys.
A much more likely possibility, in my opinion, is that the giant herd of cattle and sheep we call Civilization will be scared by all this talk of technology breakdowns and will lose its collective shit. You think I'm loopy? That's how the Great Depression started. A couple a guys on Wall Street got nervous and sold off some stock to cover their margins, the people buying those shares did the same and a landslide resulted that threw the entire world into a depression. All it will take is for the herd to lose faith in the dollar and everything will collapse. Life in America will not be like "The Waltons", it will be more like The Grapes of Wrath mated with Red Dawn.
Do something for me. Pick up that dollar you are going to leave as a tip and look at it for a moment. How much is it worth? Why? The answers are, 1) "A dollar" and 2) "Because it says so right on it and we all believe it". Is that gallon of milk at the grocery store, that you will pay $2.69 to purchase, any different from the gallon of milk for which John Boy Walton would have paid 20 cents at Ike Godsey's store? Not really. I know, I know, inflation is inevitable, blah, blah, blah.
Do yourselves a favor, folks. Start working on a barter network (there are lots around already if you look) and plan an escape route. The Self-Perpetuating End-Of-The-World Government-Promoted _ Thing could hit hard and fast.
See Ya."

Okay, I know that my final paragraph never came to pass, but I still stand by the rest.