Let's Start August on a Fun Note!

Phydeaux Speaks

WANTED FOR FILIBUSTERING a HARMONIOUS REFRIGERATOR

$1500

What's Your Blog Wanted For?


Here's a tip if you do this one. You don't really have to put the URL, you can type in whatever name you want. For instance:

George W. Bush

WANTED FOR THE UTTER DISMANTLING OF THE U.S. CONSTitUTION (and being an unmitigated asshole)

$1.16

What's Your Blog Wanted For?

Okay, I played with the text (and the reward) on that one....

.

Blog Note Update

So, this morning I am connected! Apparently, my neighbor's laid back approach (meaning, not doing anything other than plugging in the DSL every once in a while to see if things were back to normal) has worked - at least for the moment.

Anyway, I have a question for you all today. I may, in the near future, be working for a software company as an online tutor for a new service that they expect to be rolling out in a few months. As part of our agreement, this company has suggested providing me with my very own connection to the interwebs tubes!

The problem is - I live in a camper. No (land) phone line, no cable (cable isn't even available to my neighbor). So, my question is, what other options are there? I understand there are a couple of satellite internet providers, but that there are also potential problems and limitations with at least one of them. Are there any other options, besides getting a landline (which would be complicated by the whole camper thing - and, based on the service my neighbor has been recieving (specifically, downgraded performance when it rains[!]) would not be my first choice, anyway)?

The aforementioned company is a family member's and, due to the fact that this new service (which is way cool, btw) has been in development for over a year, company finances are rather tight and I want to find the best combination of economy and service.

I would appreciate any information/suggestions.

Another Blog Note

C#

Gentle Readers,

I may not be very active in the blogosphere for the next few days, as the internets DSL connection I am using is interfering (for some unknown reason) with regular phone service. As some of you know, the Secret Lair (aka '73 Winnebago) receives a wi-fi signal from a neighbor (with permission, I feel compelled to add). So, until said neighbor can get the situation resolved with BellSouth "the New AT&T" ( a pox on both their houses!), the DSL will likely remain unplugged.

Keep my seat warm - and wish me the best for survival while not connected to the world.


And don't let the shit hit the fan while I'm offline!

.

Awesome Personality Test

This is a way cool test, both the mechanics and the questions... allow several minutes if you want to do it.

(h/t to Samurai Frog)

.

Campaign 2008 - On the Run

.



This post comes to you from my mobile campaign HQ, a 1972 Volkswagen Microbus. I have piggybacked onto a wi-fi network in order to ensure that this message, unaltered, makes it on to my blog. For security concerns, I cannot reveal my exact location.

The last week has been difficult, to say the least. I haven't slept in an actual bed, and my entire staff has been surviving on convenience store hot dogs and by dumpster diving. Why is this, you may well ask?

The truth of the matter is this: my erstwhile opponents have apparently teamed together to try and take me out. Unable to effectively provide responses to my platform, they have decided instead to attempt to remove me from the debate.

It all started last Friday. Phee and I were speaking at an ASPCA rally, entrancing thousands of young voters, when suddenly a band of EVIL LESBOTS showed up and started threatening everyone with their pink Glocks! It was a horrible situation. My aides barely managed to get me to safety. But did you see any of this on the news? No, what you saw was some media genuflecting about the Current Occupant's upcoming “colonoscopy“.

Coincidently, Dr. Zaius published this picture of me:

taken at summer camp, when I was a young pup, and in an "experimental" phase of my life. He added the caption: "Phydeaux Speaks has threatened to have his kitty poop in my driveway." That was my first clue that I was on a hit list.


On Saturday, I was speaking at the annual convention of the Canine Dental Institute (sponsored by Milk-Bone) and a horde of SCRUBBING BUBBLE SPEWING DALEKS materialized, claiming they were only trying to apply whitener to my teeth. Not even bloggers paid any attention to this - as they were too verklempt over the two hour Occupancy of Dick Cheney, while Dubya underwent his “colonoscopy” - at Camp David.

After which, I found out that Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein had made this claim:

Did you know that Phydeaux's running mate is a cat? And that Phydeaux is a Communist? And a practitioner of the black art of dentistry? If he gets elected that cat will pee everywhere and Phydeaux will pull all our teeth until we give him all our money. It's sick I tell ya, just sick.

At this point, Phee Lign and I decided that it would be best if we, for the time being, didn't travel together anymore, reasoning that no matter what, one of us would survive to carry on the fight.

I had hoped that these events were merely happenstance, but it was then that I discovered that the "time travelling" Sleestak had said:

Phydeaux was recently exposed as having sold American secrets to foreign countries in order to finance his campaign and disgusting personal habits.

It was now clear to me that these three “worthy” opponents had, out of sheer terror, banded together to try and discredit my campaign. As we prepared to board the “Straight Bark Express” to head for my next appearance, we were attacked by three sleestak - perhaps clones of the candidate by the same name - and my speech writer was savagely mauled.


Did you hear about any of this? Of course not, because my opponents contrived to have Alberto Gonzales appear before Congress (again!) to not answer questions and pull all media attention away from these attacks.

And so, I have had to take this campaign underground - and have hired two new advisers. An attorney (from Samoa) and a specialist, who has many medicinal aids to help me relieve my stress.

Campaign Advisers Gonzo and Duke

Due to these attacks, Phee and I have been unable to complete our platform. And yet, it is more complete than any of my opponents have managed to show:

“Campaign 2008 - Phee/Phy or Ho/Hum?”

.

Yo Ho, Yo Ho, A Pirate's Life for Me

My pirate name is:

Mad Jack Read

Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. Even though many pirates have a reputation for not being the brightest souls on earth, you defy the stereotypes. You've got taste and education. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

This "test" has some of the best questions and answer options of any of the ones I've seen/done!

(h/t to Icaia)

Blog Note

F#


Okay, really, the note is that I'm busy with "other things" but will be back a'postin' very soon!


.

Health Care for Bill

Here's the latest video from the 35 Percenters.

Congressman Dennis Kucinich

Dennis Kucinich is the only presidential candidate who has:

1) ALWAYS been against the war in Iraq, and introduced legislation "to end the United States occupation of Iraq immediately." The bill is surprisingly readable and quite short, so take a few minutes to read it and see if you don't agree.

2) Co-sponsored legislation to ensure universal, high-quality, not-for-profit healthcare for all Americans. All of the other Democratic candidates with healthcare plans leave ultimate control over your health in the hands of private insurance companies and HMOs, not doctors and hospitals.

3) Introduced articles of impeachment against Vice President Dick Cheney for high crimes and misdemeanors. If we do not impeach Cheney and/or Bush, then the powers of impeachment granted to Congress in the Constitution was for naught, because a stronger case has never been assembled against an elected official.

For more information, go to kucinich.us.

I Don't Have a Title For This Post

.

Secret secrets of HARRY POTTER and the Order of Incompetence




Secret secrets of THE SURGEON GENERAL



Much thanks to Teh Portly Dyke for introducing me to this guy.

The Tree of Liberty is Dying

When George W. Bush was installed as Occupant of the Oval Office in 2001, I began to have bad feelings about the state of the Republic. Beginning with Dick Cheney's "Energy Task Force" meetings and backing down from the Kyoto Protocol, the administration placed the health of business interests above that of the people. As I wrote, in the Rapid River Literary Magazine, at the time:

This is not at all surprising, considering that he views himself as Chief Executive Officer of the United States. I find that odd as well, since the ballot I used listed candidates for President of the United States of America, not CEO of USA, Inc.. This is also not surprising, when viewed alongside his other administration appointments and decisions. The Administration Energy policy was developed by the oil industry. Cabinet members whose sphere of influence is the environment have deep and long ties to the same sector of business.
The Administration's statement's concerning power shortages in the West spoke only of building more power plants, not of responsible energy use. I find it unconscionable and incredibly stupid that the withdrawal from the Kyoto Accord was made, "because it would be harmful to American business interests." Is the definition of America business or people? How can you Americans allow this man to baldfacedly lie?!
Yes, the agreement would be detrimental to business - BECAUSE BUSINESS CARES NOT A WHIT FOR THE ENVIRONMENT, OR CONTINUED LIFE ON EARTH, BUT ONLY ABOUT PROFIT!!!! Is the president (and I refuse to show respect by capitalizing the title) answerable to the People or not?
As far as I am concerned, this is an impeachable offense -a total disregard for the citizens of this country, and a complete kowtow to the gods of industry. Teddy Roosevelt must be spinning furiously in his grave (if you don't know what I'm referring to here, look up his anti-business stance in a history book). The Supreme Court elected president has insisted on denying a large (and growing) body of evidence concerning the effect that pollution is having on the world. The United States is the number one polluter of the environment on the entire planet, and his response is to build more power plants! What the Hell?!?!?

(I offer the above extended quote to show that I am not a "Johnny-come-lately" to the cause of impeachment)

Since that time, we have seen

• tax cuts for the richest,
• gross legislative overreactions to the al-Qaeda attacks of 11 Sept 2001, under the guise of the "Patriot Act",
• a justified invasion of Afghanistan that morphed into an unjustified and immoral invasion of Iraq,
  
• more tax cuts for the upper income brackets,
  
• domestic spying (in the form of warrentless wiretaps),
• extra-constitutional imprisonment of "enemy combatants" at Guantanamo,
• federal subsidies to Big Oil - at a time when they were reaping record profits,
• more tax cuts for the wealthy,
• passing control of Medicaid drug coverage to Big Pharma,
• a reprehensible lack of response to the inundation of New Orleans and the rest of the Gulf Coast (except for the wealthy who have beach houses there) during and after Hurricane Katrina,
• attempts to privatize Social Security,
• and the annulment of habeas corpus.
• oh, yeah, more tax cuts for those who needed them the least,
• and many more....
  

Well, the hits on the America-that-used-to-be are coming fast and furious now.

In early May, the White House released the National Continuation Policy. On 3 July, the Current Occupant commuted the sentence of "Scooter" Libby, in an act that may well have been illegal - as Libby was convicted of perjuring himself in an effort to protect the Executive Branch, (putatively) headed by non other than the Current Occupant.

On Tuesday, the White House released "Executive Order: Blocking Property of Certain Persons Who Threaten Stabilization Efforts in Iraq", that allows the Executive Branch to " ’starve out’ a person by completely freezing their assets, without trial, without the need to present evidence, and without appeal."

And just yesterday, two more attacks on Freedom in America.

First, a letter from the Pentagon to Hillary Clinton was leaked, that claims she "reinforces enemy propaganda" by suggesting that the Pentagon start plans for withdrawal from Iraq. This letter is enough evidence for Senator Clinton's assets to be seized under the aforementioned Executive Order - as well as anyone who has supported her.

Next, the administration claimed that "that the Justice Department will never be allowed to pursue contempt charges initiated by Congress against White House officials once the president has invoked executive privilege."

This whole - totally unconstitutional - "Unitary Executive" business is totally out of control. Comparisons to fascism and
the Roman Empire are no longer exaggerated. If anything, they are not strong enough.

The Congress, and the Judicial Branch, must exert their constitutionally mandated powers of checks and balances and end these anti-democracy and un-American behaviors of the Bush malAdministration.

If the other two branches of "our" government don't rise to the occasion, it will be left to "we the people" to take matters into our own hands and put into practice what Thomas Jefferson said two centuries ago.

“The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.”

UPDATE: Cheney takes over - temporarily (yeah, right)....

Do We at Least Get to Pick the Prison?

.

READ THIS NOW!! (at Shakesville)

Time to learn this:

Official Lyrics of O Canada!

O Canada!
Our home and native land!
True patriot love in all thy sons command.

With glowing hearts we see thee rise,
The True North strong and free!

From far and wide,
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

God keep our land glorious and free!
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

and pack up and head north....

.

RFP: Must It Be This Way?

.

And so the slinging begins. "Doctor" Zaius is accusing me, in Phydeaux Enters the Race! Already in the Doghouse with Women and Lesbians, of disdaining the “fairer gender”:

He has started his campaign off to a bad start, if you ask me. He has already shown his open disdain for both women and lesbians by refusing to acknowledge the candidacy of Germaine Gregarious. Perhaps this is his plan... Perhaps he is intentionally trying to create enemies?

My Good “Doctor”, are you perhaps ignoring my own co-candidate, Ms Phee Lign? Visit her blog to read her rebuttal of this slanderous simian speech.

.

Warm up Those Internets Tubes

Here are two screencaps from The Factor, with Bill Orally:

First:



I would think that "someone" was intelligent (and somewhat of a punster). Why? Well, let's look at the definition of the word "primate":

pri·mate noun

1.	Ecclesiastical. an archbishop or bishop ranking first among the bishops of a province or country.

2.

any of various omnivorous mammals of the order Primates, comprising the three suborders Anthropoidea (humans, great apes, gibbons, Old World monkeys, and New World monkeys), Prosimii (lemurs, loris, and their allies), and Tarsioidea (tarsiers), esp. distinguished by the use of hands, varied locomotion, and by complex flexible behavior involving a high level of social interaction and cultural adaptability.

Okay, then. This "someone" used a word that was appropriate for both of the above definitions. But BillO took the use of the word as an insult.


Here's the second:



Bill, I couldn't agree with you more!

The Faux Noise Charnel is TV's biggest hate site. I propose that "American customers... take a stand" and assure that FNC "be held accountable" for its' actions and hate mongering.

I tried to find a list of FNC's advertisers, without success (Google and I just don't get along - we think too differently, apparently). But if anyone out there has a list, I would sure appreciate a copy.

I really must thank BillO for making this so easy- to paraphrase Keith Olbermann:

"Bill Orally, the stupidest person in the world!!"

(video can be found at Shakesville, if you haven't seen it)

New Fox (Sports Net(?)) Preparedness Ad

.

Well, ain't this just wonderful?



Fear!! Fear, fear, fear, fear, fear, fear, fear, fear!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Them A-rabs is commin' to getcha!!

(h/t to Father Tyme, commenting at The Dark Wraith Forums)

.

Hyperbole Weakens Debate

From Josh Marshall, via Shakesville, I read the following:

“I must say this really does make my day. ‘None of the Above’ has surged into the lead in the new GOP primary poll out from AP/Ipsos. The only thing funnier is that this is even surprising. McCain’s campaign has imploded. Giuliani’s the fading pro-choice contender, which is sort of redundant. People seem to be catching on to the fact that Fred Thompson is a one-term senator and lobbyist not Reagan 2.0. And that leaves you with Mitt Romney, the avatar of transcendent phoney-baloneyism. Okay, I’m done.”

Melissa adds a clip of Nelson's (from the Simpsons) signature "Ha ha!". While I join in the laughter most wholeheartedly, and it is most satisfying to see the discord and dissatisfaction in the GOP, I must object to the misleading wording of the quote.


From the actual poll, (page 9 of the pdf) we find that "None" is actually only 8%:

Other 2
None 8
(DK/NS) 15

(once again, I apologize for my inability to align a table in my posts)

You may say that I'm picking nits here, but the wording is an exaggeration. I highly respect Marshall and Talking Points Memo (and read it every day), but by using hyperbole in his posts he is, IMHO, lowering himself to the level of the Faux Noise Channel.

I understand the temptation, but what we need in this country is more reason and less emotional reaching.

While I'm on the subject, I find the same tactics being employed by many people and websites that are left-leaning (and even totally fallen over to the left). A prime example of this is Robert Scheer - both on his website Truthdig and in his regular role as a commentator on the NPR program "Left, Right and Center". Scheer's arguments are less dissuasive because of his propensity to rant. I find it personally bothersome when I can more readily agree with the (in my opinion) far right Tony Blankley - whose positions are often antithetical to my own - simply because he puts forth reasoned arguments. I find myself feeling the same way when watching "The McLaughlin Group", which is even more disturbing because I sometimes find myself in agreement with none other than Pat Buchanon. Ick.

Running for President: Part II

First, if you haven't yet, read Part I.

In Part I, for those who don't want to click on the link above, I spoke briefly about the Repellican and Demitasse candidates. What I would like to discuss in this installment is the burgeoning online candidacies of various and sundry. Wikepedia has a rundown of the declared Libertarian, Constitution, Green, multi, Independent, and Prohibition (?) Party candidates. I won't bother to go into those in detail - mainly because I don't know jack shit about any of them.

No, I wish to make you all aware of the growing group of frustrated individuals who are declaring their desire to sit in the custom made comfy chair in the Oval Office come January 2009.

First (as near as I can tell) there was Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein. Then came Dr. Zaius, Sleestak and Dr. Smith.

Now, as I said in Part I of this series, I think it’s a good thing that so many have expressed a desire to be President. I have no objection to the candidacies of the above named worthies. And, were they using this opportunity to discuss the topics germane to the day, I would be more than happy to give each of them serious consideration.

However, look what they are using this platform to do!

Typical primate behavior! Even Sleestak, who is reptilian, has given in to this despicable continuation of politics as usual here in the United States of ‘Murrika! Can no one stop this madness!?!?

These "candidates" are oh, so proud, of their intrigues and photoshop skills, and they expound - at great length - upon the evils of their opponents. This cannot stand! We must end the bipedal overlordship in this country!

These erstwhile worthies are merely perpetuating the primacy of bipedal perambulators - the so called sentient beings. It is time for the truly oppressed denizens of this nation to have a voice and a champion.

With all this in mind, it is with great humility that I, Phydeaux, do hereby announce my candidacy for the Presidency of the United States of America. I have already formed an exploratory committee, composed of my peers, and they have found three bones, two old shoes, and a candy wrapper.

I feel that these results are a clear mandate from the masses, a real clap of lightning, a true barometer of the will of the people - and evidence that you should never have an exploratory committee made up entirely of hounds. I shall, over the next few days, be explaining, in excruciating detail, the planks of my platform.

Unlike these other squabbling sentients, I have picked my running mate for the 2008 Presidential Election before announcing my candidacy. In a blatant effort to erase any species gap, and acceding to the established precedent of the Current Occupant, I hereby name Ms Phee Lign as my co-candidate. This move is guaranteed to get me the votes of all you hard-working cats out there.

Phee brings with her a long history of oratory to rival the biggest blowhards in Congress. I'm sure you've heard her at some time, expounding in an alleyway late at night. As we are still formulating her beliefs, it will have to wait until next time for you to hear directly from her. I can tell you at this time, however, that we are both in favor of food, clothing and shelter for everyone, regardless of their tax bracket.

Once elected, Phee will provide an invaluable ally in the Congressional cat-fights sure to ensue when we implement our sweeping socioeconomic changes. More on that in the future. For now, keep in mind our campaign slogan: "Choice 2008 -- Phee/Phy or Ho/Hum?" I smell the blood already...

¡Cumpleaños Feliz, Galón Azul!

A very happy one at that, to one who is an entire five days younger than yours truly. Pop over to her place and add your wishes....

Won't Someone Think of the Kittehs!?!?

.

Running for President: Part I, Background

At my last count, approximately 2,346,972 citizens have announced their intentions to run for the office of President in the election of 2008. Ross Perot, in the 1992 and 1996 presidential elections, set an example of such shining stuff as to instill into the average American's conscious the ultimate truth that any bozo can run for office. As if some (most?) of the choices of the last three decades haven't been proof enough of that.

And boy, are the clown cars crowding city hall parking lots all over American as candidacy is filed. To print the ballots alone will destroy thousands of acres of forest land -- although this will keep a few people working a little bit longer raping the planet and reducing the chances that our children will be able to breathe outside without respirators, so I suppose it's a good thing after all.

Oh, I forget myself. We use touch screen balloting now - all the better for to control the outcome, doncha know. And don't forget the added benefit that the machines are made, in part, of plastic, which helps increase the demand for fossil fuels, which in turn helps line the pockets of the Oil tycoons....

Actually, I do feel that all of these unusual candidates are a good thing for the system. The two party system is hopelessly bloated and corrupt. The "rules" of elections have been written by the party bosses in such a way as to make the will of the people immaterial. Big surprise there, huh.

Partisanship is out of control. The system is broken. Drastic measures must be taken. Let us consider some of the more well known candidates.

On the Repellican side, you have ten nine wealthy old white men. Each of them angling to be the most Reaganesque xenophobe fearmonger of the bunch. And that appears to be the extent of their platforms.

On the Demitasse side, there are six white men - ranging form middle aged to old, moderately to very wealthy - a youngish Black man (not too bad off financially), and a woman (whose husband used to be President) who has lots of personal wealth. Their idealogies range from the Repellican in Demitasse clothing to the nearly Socialist. As Will Rogers (whose terms, "Repellican" and "Demitasse", I have gleefully taken to using) once said, "I belong to no organized party, I'm a Democrat!"

In the "other" column, we have: Mike Bloomberg - the former Demitasse, former Repellican, now Independent Mayor of NYC - whose personal wealth is on the sunny side of 5 billion dollars; Al Gore, who constantly denies that he has totally ruled out running - oh yeah, he's got gobs of money, too; Chuck Hagel, who has announced that he will announce his intentions to announce a potential candidacy at some unannounced point in the future; Fred Thompson, the lawyer turned lobbyist turned actor turned Senator turned actor who has announced that he will be entering the race if his next audition for a TV role fails. There are more, but I tire myself out trying to remembering them all....

There are some folks out there to whom you should really give a listen. But it's up to you to find this information. That is truly what democracy is. Each individual determining, for her or his self, what beliefs to have and what choices to make... in Presidential elections and grocery stores.

At this point, I definitely have a preferred candidate, but I believe it is up to each person to decide, without considering the prevailing winds, on a candidate of choice. Which is why I favor a national primary - but not in February, which seems to be what's happening.

Haven't Done One of These in a While

Which Hogwarts house will you be sorted into?

Move over, Potter!
h/t to Rana (Frogs and Ravens)

.