27 February 2009

Have You Heard What Really Happened?

Governor Piyush "Bobby" Jindal of Louisiana, is a Lying Liar of the first degree. During his ... painfully bad ... presentation of the Republican 'response' to the President's speech to a joint session of Congress (Which, by the way, I didn't see any smoke in the chamber at all. I don't think they had any joints -- What? Oh. Never mind.)...

Where was I? Oh, right. Jindal's Lies. For those who had something better to do than listen to a Serious Politician talk as though he was reading "See Spot Run" to five-year olds, Jindal claimed to have entered the office of Jefferson Parish Sheriff Harry Lee and overheard a conversation about how, after the Gummint-built levees broke and flooded New Orleans, people with non-Gummint boats trying to get into the city to rescue other people stranded on rooftops were being turned away by Evil Gummint Officials (which, by the way, must have been Bush's Brownie-led FEMA officers, but ole "Bobby" don't want to point that bit out). When Our Hero asked the Good Reeve of the Shire what the matter was and heard about it, he was all, "Goo-oo-ool-ee, Sheriff Taylor Lee, we got to let them good non-Gummint people in there to save them poor stranded people from the Failures of Gummint!"

To which the Sheriff replied, "Damn right! Else they might try to find food and shelter in the rich part of town, and we cain't have that!" And so the Sheriff hollered into the phone, "Loot here, now. "Bobby" Jindal says if you don't let them boats in that he's gonna let people know about it.. in about three and a half years!"

Yeah, well, didn't happen.

But here's the truth.

In the early morning hours of August 29, 2005, The Lord spoke unto "Bobby" Jindal, saying, "Lo! Ye who hath cast out the demon! Verily hath I brought forth The Storm to smite the Heathen of New Orleans! Alas, I have also been busy preparing a young man named Sanjaya for an upcoming American Idol and so did allow The Storm to stray from my intended path.

"Yea Lo, Verily! I speak unto thee! Let not thy attention wander to Carrie Underwood's breasts!", The Lord commanded, and "Bobby" was like unto smote, crying, "Forgive me, O Lord! How might this humble servant help Thee?"

And the Lord did ope his mouth and speak again, "Verily, even I am finding it difficult to get Sanjaya to sing well, and so I do call upon thee, who, I believe I mentioned, hath cast out the demon, to insure that The Storm striketh only those poor and infirm, who, despite the words of My Son, are obviously lesser in My Sight, be the ones who suffer from The Storm. That their homes might be declared unfit for habitation so that The Wealthy, who are beloved of Me, might take control of their lands and build expensive condos and casinos wherein Bankers and Hedge Fund Managers might live and play, these being Most Worthy in My Sight.

"This must ye do above all others!" The Lord spakest, "Allow not the good-hearted to rescue the poor, for it hath been ordained that they must suffer disproportionately!"

And, yea, though "Bobby" fell into a fitful sleep, he didst remember the Commandment of The Lord, and, upon waking, he who had cast out the demon did as The Lord bid him do.

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